Antidote

16. But I Don't

She has every right to be mad at me. I shouldn't have ruined her dinner last night and I shouldn't have taken those pills, and I definitely shouldn't have left her that nasty voicemail.

I crash on Cameron's couch for the rest of the day. I contemplate calling Robbie several times, but I try distracting myself in other ways. Eventually, I take a melatonin and go to sleep.

I wake up in the middle of the night to Cameron shaking me. "Kaiden, get the fuck up!" He whisper yells.

Banging on the door makes me jump up. "What time is it?"

"It's Alyssa. She's at the door again." He says and I feel my blood turn cold. Fuck. "Go in my room and hide under the bed."

Hiding under the bed? That's the most cliche place to hide, but unfortunately, I have nowhere else to go. So, I do as he says, crawling under the dusty bed and trying to my best to not cough.

I hear him open the door. "Alyssa, what are you doing here?" Cameron tried to disguise himself as someone who just woke up.

"I can't take it anymore! Is he alive or not, Cameron? Just tell me the truth. I'm going crazy." Alyssa's voice and footsteps carry inside and I hear Cameron shut the door.

"Alyssa, he's dead. We just need to accept that and move on."

I can see their feet now in the living room. She actually stomps her foot like a child, which is just typical Alyssa behavior.

"I went to a medium and she said she couldn't contact Kaiden for me because he isn't dead! Either she's full of shit or you are."

"You went to a medium?" Cameron asks, sounding surprised. She's just full blown crazy.

"Yes, I needed to tell Kaiden goodbye and that I loved him. If he's not dead, then where is he?" Her voice is beginning to raise and I know she's on the verge of a full blown mental breakdown. Well, she can just join the club.

"I'm sorry, Alyssa, but he's gone. You can go visit his grave if you like. The tombstone should be coming this week." Cameron tries his best to sound sincere and I almost laugh a couple of times.

"I don't believe you."

"I'm sorry, Alyssa." Cameron repeats, this time with a firmer tone.

"If I find out you're lying to me, Cameron, I'll make your life hell." She warns one last time before I see her feet moving towards the door, and eventually I hear Cameron shut and lock it behind her.

When I climb out from under his bed, I have to brush the cobwebs off of me.

"Thanks, man. I owe you one." I say as I walk back into the kitchen.

Cameron shakes his head. "You owe me more than one. Madison called me and asked if you were using again. I lied and told her no."

"Thank you." I say quietly, ashamed of myself. "I need to learn to handle my problems better."

That's harder to say than I'd like to admit. I'd like to pretend I handle my problems really well. I make excuses for my actions, like if Madison is allowed to choose Jace then I'm allowed to let myself go. I shouldn't be that way.