Party, Party

Chapter 36: My Flower

"I'm just eccentric." I used to think.

In reality I was pushing down what I really was—or pushing out what I felt like I am.

The role I played by Karin's side was enjoyable, but I longed to dig my blade into someone's shoulder at the same time.

That's not normal is it...?

Of course it wasn't normal. Which is probably why I'm on a wanted list almost everywhere in the country. Why couldn't people just leave me alone? I wanted to kill, murder, pillage by myself. I was kidnapped, branded, and conditioned into loyalty to a man that has close to no feelings.

I thought he loved me.

And that's why I stayed.

Little did I know I fell into the same trap every other teenage girl with rosy cheeks and golden locks did. The trap of belief.

And I'd learned a long time ago to never believe in others.

"If your just gonna' stand there a torture me, fuck off and go wank in a different corner."

He grimaces, but bounces off the counter he's leaning on. "Alright. Fine. Be that way. Rot down here and hope that Atlas will come and save you—guess what? He won't. He locked you down here for a reason, and you'll stay locked down here until God appears to make poverty vanish."

And with that, he steps back in the shadows—seemingly melting into the darkness. I struggle some more, wiggling in the rusty chains—metal grating further and further into my skin. I howl in pain as blood is drawn from my ankles, water welling in my eyes.

Giving up after brutalising myself for a solid ten minutes, I slump in the chair.

Will Atlas really leave me here?

"And after all this time..." I whisper to no-one, the deafening silence filling my ears uncomfortably. "I really believed in him."

***

I have close to no idea how much time passes. The windowless room alluded me to how many days have passed. The only way I could tell was observing a family of mayfly's that inhabited one corner of the dark. As each adult died, I would count one day passing.

Right now, I'm on four.

Every so often, Aiden would come down and give me an energy bar—barely keeping me off the brink of starvation.

Spades would come down and ask me the same question over and over again—it was maddening.

"Have you calmed down yet?"

Since when have I let anyone who's laid a scratch on me live? It's against my morals.

Stupid Atlas and his stupid loyal bandits... since when have they ever been more important than me? It was utterly infuriating. Aiden informed me that the Nox inner circle was banned from seeing me, or else they'd get a punishment from Atlas.

Or was it Kaiden?

I can't even think straight. I can barely tell them apart anymore.

They were all knowingly leaving me here to starve.

To die.

It's not fair—I don't want to die like this.

Looking at the corner of the room, I watch as the fifth mayfly adult dies—it's little body crippling onto the floor before lying stagnant. Dormant. Dead. Feeling my vision begin to blur, I hang my head, not bothering to push myself back onto the chair. The skin around my restraints scream, the rubbing of the metal too much to bare.