Unsent Letters

My Letter

I Just Wanted To Post This Because I Thought That Maybe It Could Be Helpful To Someone Else? Before You Read Please Know That I'm Actually Really Proud Of This Letter And If I Ever Had The Chance I Would Send This To My Younger Self In A Heart Beat. :) Enjoy!! :D

To Little Me,

I don't know where to begin, there's so much I want -need- to say to you. So much that you need to understand in your young life.

You've not had the best life growing up. From being the outcast to the weirdo and then the chubbier child; all the names you were called in the time where you began to critique yourself.  That time when you are just becoming into a young teenager and everyone starts to worry about their looks.

At that age you shouldn't have to look at yourself and think that you should lose weight.

Those years should have been filled with playing outside and doing little kid stuff, not thinking about how you look in the mirror. You might not have realized it earlier in life but you are beautiful just the way you are.

I should really have listened to that because I used to sit alone at night and cry, knowing that I'm too messed up for anyone to love. Most of the time I look in the mirror now and what I see is everything I hate. I don't find a single thing in myself to love, so why would someone else?

I remember thinking the same thing when I was your age. Even though I shouldn't have been thinking of love, I still felt like something was wrong with me. And there is... I'm afraid of love..... I can love someone but I can't handle them loving me.  I always look over boys because the first time someone said they liked me; I shot them down after they asked me out.

I cried after he asked me out. I regret not saying yes, everyday do I regret it. I'd tell you to say yes but in truth I know you won't. The thing is the first guy you're going to fall 'in love with' is a total ass hat.

He doesn't care about you and never did. Even if he seemed to care by flirting with you in class, he actually was just using you to get to the girl he really wanted.

At your age, you definitely wouldn't know what love is. A hint maybe but nothing compared to the real thing. The heart breaks and lonely nights where you will cry yourself to sleep, you will go through because of him will be more than you can imagine and somehow you won't be able to let him go. 

In reality he's not what I would want for you; you'll grow up to find someone who will love you just the way you are and not be there just to get to someone else. Someone who will treat you like the princess you are and would do anything for you.

You shouldn't be thinking about growing up right now, but you are. You're thinking about what life would be like when you get out from mommy and daddy's roof.  Don't think about that. You don't want to grow up; it's not a fun world like you see in movies.

It's the real world where you have to finish high school and work because you weren't brought up in a family with money.

Your family made ends meet but then used the little bit of money left over for you and your three brothers; on things you absolutely needed.

When you look at your brothers, know that they love you no matter how many times they fight with you. The names they called you were nothing but simply petty childish fights with no real meaning.  They know that if anything happened to you they would be there for you in a heartbeat.  You'll have Sam to thank for helping out with the bullies. He really does care about you and wouldn't let anyone hurt you.

As you grow older watch them because they all will teach you something.

Jerry, even though he is quite out there he is still himself and doesn't care what people think about him.  Sam and Josh, though, are much quieter than Jerry. They mostly keep to themselves but are two of the funniest people you would ever meet when put together with a game console.

Never lose touch with them, no matter how bad a situation or fight is with them. Love them and know that they are your brothers.

When you look at your cousins, don't compare yourself to the girls. They might be skinner then you but you have beauty too. Don't think that if you eat this you'll get fatter or that if you stopped eating completely that you'll be just like them.

Be unique Court, there's only one you and you're special.

It's not easy for me to say this but there's more that you have to realize about yourself. People may come in your life and say that they want to be your friend. Don't believe them because they are only using you, the real friends you have will always be there and will stay no matter what. 

Have fun with your life and don't keep looking back and wondering what if. Take every chance you are offered and live your life to the fullest. I wish so much that I could hug you and tell you to keep your head high even when you feel like crawling in a hole. You're so much stronger than you think you really are.

Little me, know that there's someone who loves you and, although, you won't meet her for a while, she's always looking back on you with a smile on her face. She's proud of you and when she looks in the mirror she know that the little girl grew up to be a smart woman. 

And that person is me! <3