Aftermath

Chapter Eighty Four

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"You're everything."

The words kept playing in her head on repeat. They warmed her as she stood by the waters edge in the January cold and watched Teddy tip the urn of their mother's ashes into the wind. They'd kept it quiet and simple. Hank, Teddy, herself and Jay had met by the lake. They stood in silence for a few moments, no one quite knowing what to say, before Teddy had taken the urn from Hank, opened it, turned it gently on its side and slowly let the wind catch the ashes. The dust swirled on the breeze and carried out over the water, some of it landing in the frigid waves. They watched, the sound of icy waves hitting rocks the only noise as they stood shivering, until the last of it had scattered.

And that's that, Erin thought without emotion. Maybe it was the cold, or the awful scene she'd just had with Jay, or the silence of everyone else that was there with her, but she just couldn't summon any feelings towards her mother at the moment. Or maybe it was because Bunny had literally exhausted any kind of emotional response from Erin. The only thing she could really focus on were Jay's words.

"You're everything," he'd said and then she'd stepped around him to retrieve her buzzing phone because she didn't quite trust what would come out of her mouth just then. She'd already let too many words fly. She felt slightly bad for the way she'd gone off on him out of the blue but it had been building for days and seeing Allie had pushed her over the edge. Maybe it was better she'd finally said it all out loud.

She snuck a look up at him now. He stood close to her side, his arm resting around her, likely as much because he could see her shivering as it was to offer support. He still looked so tired. The bruises had faded in the last few days but still stood out in contrast to his paler than usual skin.

She'd become more aware of how fidgety he was in his sleep the last few nights, that is when she didn't wake to find his side of the bed empty. She'd gone looking for him one night, worried he'd given in to the temptation to ease his mind with drink, only to find him asleep sitting upright on the couch, the low light of late night tv illuminating his figure.

She knew he was far from digging himself out of the hole he was in but he'd been trying to do everything right this week. Erin eased a little closer to him now, taking advantage of the warmth of his body. She'd said her peace this afternoon, as messy and unflattering as it was, and his response was more than she'd hoped for. He'd said she was everything. Now she needed to give him the chance to prove his words. She needed to take a risk and push her wall back down. She wanted him to talk, so she'd have to show up and listen.

Hank had insisted on taking them to an early dinner afterwards. They sat in a quiet restaurant by the water eating and made small talk. Erin found herself staring out the window as the clear blue sky turned to streaks of red and purple and the sun fell. She hated how quickly the dark set in in the winter. It made days like today even more depressing and stole her appetite away.

"I have some news on Greg," Hank said, causing Erin to turn her attention back to the group.

A look passed between her and Teddy. They'd talked midweek and Erin had filled Teddy in on what they thought happened to Bunny. They'd both agreed they held no ill feelings towards Greg. Bunny had manipulated him and as far as they were concerned Bunny was responsible for what happened to her. Erin had told Greg as much when she'd stopped by his place this morning on the way to work. She knew from Jay that he was feeling pretty bad about what happened to her mother so she wanted to ease his mind the best she could. Erin was shocked by his appearance. He, like Jay, looked like he'd been through the ringer. Greg had let her in but it had taken several minutes of her talking and reassuring him before he'd make eye contact with her. She could see he felt guilty and Erin didn't want him carrying that around on top of everything else he had going on.  It was then that she learned where all Jay's bruises had come from. She was disappointed to hear the best friends had fought but was glad they moved passed it quickly and were trying to support each other through this mess. It was also relieving to know Jay hadn't been in a bar fight the night he got drunk as she had feared.