WoF OC Reviews

Axolotl

The traits are awesome, and they flow together very well. However, she seems to be lacking in positive traits. One or two positive traits should suffice.

Backstory: [before Axolotl was born]

Typhoon and Derecho have been mates for a good year now, and they've always talked about adopting a dragonet. One day, they were swimming around the middle-class SeaWing area, around where they lived, and spotted two dragons arguing over an egg. The female dragon wanted to destroy the egg while the male wanted to keep it. Out of impulse, Typhoon went over and offered to take the egg off their talons, which the female instantly thrust the egg into his arms and swam off. After that scene, Typhoon and Derecho talked it over with the male SeaWing and got ownership of the egg.

Wow. Well, okay, but what did the father say? The father was arguing and wanted to keep the egg, so didn't he say something about the two taking the egg? Or did he only want the egg to stay alive, but he didn't want to actually literally keep it and raise it? Other than that, it's a good explanation. And I'm assuming the biological parents accidentally got stuck with the egg but they didn't want it.

[around 8 years after Axolotl was born]

The first few years of Axolotl's life were pretty uneventful, but during a little journey to the Ruins of the Summer Palace, she saw a group of four MudWings who seemed to be... running from something. Axolotl talked to them and learned they were all siblings, trying to escape the cruel reign of Queen Caiman. The SeaWings being closest, they wanted to come there first for help. Axolotl agreed to help them, and a plan was in motion to help them escape. Caiman kept a close list of all the MudWings in her kingdom, as well as plenty of faithful soldiers to keep them in.

... Why would she agree to help them? This action doesn't seem to go along with her personality. One of her personality traits is literally "she only really cares for herself, the only ones she would sacrifice herself for is her crew and her dads.", but helping those MudWings instead of turning them in implies the contrary. Yes, they were her crew later, but at this point Axolotl didn't know these MudWings would become her crew.

The only reason this pack of sibs could leave was because they offered to retrieve a package from the SeaWing Queen, Sea Snake, which they only had a few hours to do so.

Sea Snake. Okay, I'm sorry, but Sea Snake? Firstly, that sounds plain awkward. Secondly, what kind of name is Sea Snake the SeaWing? I would maybe understand if she was lower ranked, but she's queen for heaven's sake! She should have a more... queenly name. I don't think a queen would name a princess Sea Snake, unless her parents (or parent) hated her.

Axolotl had to hide the sibs before MudWing guards caught them, mostly because if they were caught with Axie then she would most likely get killed, so they planned a way to get into the Sea Kingdom without killing the group. It was then that it was revealed the second-oldest sib, Dragonfly, was an animus who rarely used her powers.

MudWings don't have animus blood in their tribe, and I don't understand how they would've magically gained it after thousands of years. And, Dragonfly is not a very original name. Seriously. It's really easy to name MudWings, I'd think, because there are a whole bunch of different names for marshy landscape. For example, I'm creating a character named Morass whose best friend's name is Quagmire. And I literally only found those two words in like, ten seconds!

And, on another note, why is Queen Caiman concerning herself with a singular rogue sib troop? There is literally no threat those MudWings pose that would motivate a queen to freaking chase them down. Like sure, I understand, she's a cruel queen and blah blah blah mean blah blah blah keeps track of her dragons blah blah blah blah. She's a queen, with responsibilities and duties to get to, despite her cruel reign a queen's a queen, and will do duties only queens can do, and a lot of these duties (especially stacked together like they so commonly are) would be a lot more important than a group of rogue sibs. If she's chasing after them literally because she wants all MudWings in her kingdom, then I call bull.