Preordained #ProjectNigeria

53- What Saheed Said

"Where-" she begins before Maduka cuts her off.

"He's dead."

She peers at his face for any sign of a lie, but sees none. A bloodcurdling scream erupts from her, and I can see Maduka hesitating between consoling her and walking away. It would be so easy for him to transfer his fury to his aunt now that her husband is dead and unable to answer his questions. But he embraces her and she returns it.

"He killed himself, Daa. He hung himself."

"Look at someone I married," she laments. "Ikenna, is this the height?"

Soon, the compound is full of people. Women surround Maduka's aunt, trying to console her. Traditionally, a person who was known to be diabolical or commit suicide isn't mourned. These people are not given proper burials in their compounds, but buried in the forest and forgotten.

Maduka takes my hand and leads me into his bungalow, into the room we share.

"Pack your things, baby girl."

"Are we leaving now?"

"You're leaving."

I sputter in protest, trying to find words, but he cuts me off.

"You're not safe here. I want you away from all of this." He spreads his arms. "My world is crazy right now."

"I don't want you to be alone," I tell him, folding my arms across my chest.

Maduka grips both my shoulders firmly. "There will be loads of meetings, a lot of people in this compound for the next few days. I might not be able to keep my eye on you all the time. And it will make me anxious, and what happened last night-"

I can't help but feel unwanted, like a child who is being sent away.

"Go back to Lagos, to your family. That way I know you're safe."

"When will you be back?" My voice sounds small to my ears. In fact, it sounds needy, a sort of irony to the fact that this relationship will end in Lagos.

"When I'm done with this place. My cousins will have to return once they hear of their father's death. There might be fights, they might blame me for their father's death. Any resentment towards me might be carried out on you; I know how people can be."

"What about you then? Aren't you in danger?"

Maduka smiles. "I'll take care of myself."

"It's not fair." I look down at my feet in my rubber slippers and ankle socks. They are dusty from roaming the bushes last night and this morning.

"I know, but it's necessary. I'll book a ticket today. You should fly to Lagos tomorrow morning."

I nod slowly.

"Hey." He places a finger under my chin and tilts my face upwards. "You know I'm not sending you away because I want to, right?"

Truth is, I want to be here for him through it all. His uncle's death is a new plot twist in his life, and I can tell he is desperately I'm need of answers but can't find them. I want him to come into my arms after a rough day of hashing things out with the elders. I want him in my arms after a day of having to answer questions, speaking until his voice goes hoarse.

But I don't tell him this; I just nod slowly again.

"I'm concerned about your safety."

"I know. I'll go and take a shower now," I reply.

I turn away, search for my towel and shower cap, and leave the room.

The water is cold, as there was not time to boil some water in the kitchen. I undress, put on my shower cap, and step into the shower. At first the water feels extremely cold, but I force myself to stand there and let it flow down my body. Halfway through my bath, Maduka's voice comes from behind the curtain.