Never Alone

Chapter 4

I was with my friend at night and she was very depressed. She had been talking about how she wanted to die. Even though she didn't believe in God she said things like "I wish God would tell me my purpose in life". As a 15 year old I had no idea what to say. I was a bit lost myself too. I was a baby still growing spiritually. All I was able to tell her was "please go to church with me. God has been helping me". I told her about how beautiful god was and to just give Him a try. I invited her to church. She said she would think about it, but still wasn't convinced. After a few hours of us talking, I had asked her to stay the night. She didn't want to because it was a school night. I insisted a lot, but she really didn't want to. For some reason I believed letting her go was fine because it was already night and her parents would be home by then. Plus she was already calm and smiling. Later on that night her brother came to ask me where she was. They had found her room wrecked and she was missing. I told him everything that had happened. He got very mad at me for letting Liana go after knowing how she was feeling. I defended myself by saying that it was late and I thought someone would be at home by that time. We realized we weren't going to solve anything by fighting. Then decided to call the cops and report her missing. I'm not sure how they found her that night. I remember hearing dogs crying and barking so I looked out the window. Then the automatic lights that turn on when someone passes by had turned on. I thought "Oh it's probably her going back home". We were practically neighbors so I could see the light turning on. The next day at school I was called to the office first thing in the morning. That's when they gave me the news that she took her life away. My best friend was now gone. Mixed feelings attacked my heart I kept thinking "why did you do it? I was there for you. I loved you." And feelings of guilt like "Why didn't I stop you? You should've stayed" or just plain anger "why did you leave me?" Then, people at school who knew her blamed me for not stopping her. The brother was mad at me because I was the last one to see her. The fact everyone kept pointing the finger at me for letting her go didn't hurt me as much. I felt they just needed someone to blame and I happened to be the one to get pointed at because that's how life was. People needed an antagonist to feel better about themselves. However, I wasn't going to let it slide and told some of the people at the office to leave "You all just want to skip class you weren't even her friends. She didn't even like any of you because you bullied her" those were my words to them but surprisingly the one they kicked out of the office was me. I was told to calm down and that maybe they were not her friends but maybe they felt guilty and wanted to show respect. Although that was probably true, I was still mad.

Some days had passed and my dreams kept being about her. They were very scary dreams though. I didn't understand why I was dreaming her that way so I would pray. In the dreams when I would pray she would always laugh and suddenly her laugh would turn into a demonic laugh. It was no longer her, but a demon. I would wake up frightened more than I usually would. Maybe it was because I couldn't help her or her death was something that really traumatized me. I wasn't sure why I would dream that way.

I felt God was helping me because when I would shout his name He would arrive. However it was taking longer than I thought it should. Still I never lost faith.

Then one day at church the youth pastor decided to approach me. He said "Ive always wanted to ask , but I didn't want to bother you. Is there something that is going on with you?" Although I was desperate for guidance and help I was still shy to answer. As I stayed quiet he continued "See the reason I ask is because you don't usually see a 15 year old kid come to church alone without her parents." Im sure it was strange. I mean I would even go walking alone to church in the cold weather. The brothers and sisters would offer rides but I enjoyed walking. Then I decided to tell them what was wrong. The fact I heard voices and would see shadow men came out a bit strong to him and instead took me to the pastors wife. I had to repeat my story once again, but I was shocked when I was told,

"Are you satanic?"

"no.."

"Do you play with the ouija?"

"no.."

"Don't lie to me"

"Im not.."

"If you need help you need to say the truth"

"I am saying the truth" I answered like a scolded child

"Have you accepted Jesus in your heart?"

"Yes"

"No you haven't"

"Do you even believe in Him?"

"Yes why would I be here if I didn't", I was getting mad at the way I was being talked to, "You know what it is okay. I don't need your help"

"Well didn't you need to get prayed on?"

"No its okay. I don't need anyone to help me. I only need God."

"well it is better if many pray for you"

"Nope. All I need is God"

"You sure?" her voice already less aggressive than at the beginning.

"Yea"

"ok you heard her she doesn't want help. If she doesn't want help. Then we cant do anything about it" she went back to her attitude.

I walked away while hearing her. Since I would walk home, on my way to the house I cried my eyes out. I was devastated to how I was treated. I mean me satanic? I love God with all my heart. Accepting Jesus? Of course(so I thought). I mean maybe at the beginning when I didn't know who he was, but I knew now and I believed in Him. The thing is that when I was asked if I had accepted Jesus in my heart I thought It meant like if I believed in Him. I didn't know there was an actual prayer or that I had to declare it. I mean how did they expect me to know? It had not been long that I went. I was new. I was young; I needed help and guidance. I cried and cried all the way to my house. I was seriously heartbroken. I told God "See this is why I don't believe in religion. I don't understand why I have to go to a church. Look how I was treated. I love you with all my heart and I don't need their help. I only need you so please don't expect me to ever enter a church again because this is how they treat people. I don't need anyone only you. I know you will heal me"

No one will ever understand the relationship between God and an individual. Only God knows if the person is right or wrong. So what I learned is who cares about religion? What matters is your relationship with God. Do you need to become part of a church? Yes you do. Why should you go to church? Well, it is a commandment. It is also good to feed the soul because you get to praise and worship God and hear the Word. It is probably something you could be doing at home too, but some people after they stop going to church they become distant and distant till BAM they disappear into the world or they start becoming lazy. Going to church helps you meet people that have the same interest than you do. You get to talk to people that love God as much as you do. I don't mean to always expect good people at church because in this world there are all types of people, but don't go and care about what the people think of you at church do not go and pay attention to how people see you. You go for God and Him only. It is only a bonus if you become fond with others.

What if you don't know what church to go to? Well my advice is pray to God to guide you and take you to a church that He knows is right for you and will let you Grow in Him

Maybe it is weird for me to write those words after I got shook and left from a church, but I learned and because of this I wanted to share this with you. I know now that maybe I was a bit sensitive and she was a bit aggressive. She is only human. I'm sure God made her realize her mistake. Maybe what she had said wasn't completely wrong because I did have a satanic friend and I used to not believe in Jesus, but maybe if she sat down and talked with love it would've been different. I am not excusing them. Im saying people are not perfect and we can't expect much from them.

I wish someone would have taught me these things, so now I share what I learned. Not only to people who don't want to go to church but to individuals that already do, so they can be more careful on how they treat others. I am not saying let them do what they want even though they are wrong. Because I know "love is never happy when others do wrong, but it is always happy with the truth" (1cor13:6) but I mean to teach with love. Treat everyone like brothers in Christ. God loves you and so go praise Him.

"Dear friends, we should love each other because love comes from God. Everyone who loves has become Gods child and so everyone who loves knows God." – 1 John 4:7