Sally can wait

rather me than you

March 2000

Usualy I love being on tour, it's the best part about bein' a fuckin rock star innit. The drugs, the noise, the people, the booze and the music. It all fitted in to my world. It was great, living two lifes. I had the one at home with my Sally and the one here. Where i had no responsiblys and not a care in the world.

But this time was diffrent. I knew after this tour was over we had a year or summit off. But i just wanted home now. I didn't even wanna fucking come in the first place but Sally insisted.

I just wanted to tell her how sorry I was all the time, I missed her and the kids and leaving them was always the worst part of a tour but i knew they would always be there for me coming home.

...

"Ya Can't just not do a whole fucking tour Liam" she said as I lay in bed.

"I fucking can" I replied, she was still fragile, I just wanted to protect her. I would always protect her.

"Ya leave in two days, yer gone till Flos birthday so I suggest ya get packin" she said. She was doing some ironing at the other end of the room. I told her that the keeper gets payed to fuckin' iron but she always liked doing it. Says it calms her or summit. She was so stubborn but its one.of the reasons I loved her.

"Look, I just wanna make sure your ok Sally, I wanna look after ya" i said gettin' up and walking over too her.

"I'm fine Liam" she insisted but i knew she wasn't. She thinks I don't hear her cry at night. She thinks I don't see the sadness in her eyes.

"STOP SAYIN' YER FINE WHEN YOU AIN'T" I said. I shouldn't have shouted but i did. I was sick of her acting like she was ok. We didn't get married for her to carry this by herself. It broke my heart too.

"I'm fine" she said firmly. She was angry.

"Is that it, you gonna let me travel all round the world while you stay here and bottle all this shit up? Im not going," I said. How could I go? How could I leave her on her own?

"Y'are" she said slamming the iron on the bored.

"I'M. NOT. GOIN" I said loud and slow.

"You're a fucking child Liam." She sighed before walking away.

"Don't walk away from me Sal, now fuckin talk to me" i just wanted to make her blow up, so she would let it all out. And it worked. It always did.

"Fine, you want me to talk I'll talk. I gave up my own child like it was nothing, and i dont even feel as bad as i thought i would and that fucking kills me. I felt good after it. Like a weight was off my shoulders. I wouldn't have to worry about trying to be pregnant while you were away. I wouldn't have to worry about gettin fat, or looking after two kids while being pregnant, I wouldn't have to give up my job to look after it, I wouldn't have to worry that I had one more kid to care for that you would never be here for. I wasn't sad about it and it fucking eats away at me." She rushed out. She was in tears but i stood still and let her shout at me. She needed it. She needed to tell me how she felt.

"You didn't want the kid, you're never here for the two you've got. I know that sounds like ahit, me saying that yet telling you to go on tour but its true, even when youre here, youre not. You have your comitments and I've got mine and we couldn't have this kid cause you wouldn't be here but now your saying you don't wanna go? I regret it, I will for the rest of my life. You walk away Scott free. You're of on tour and what do ya do there? Sniff coke, drink whiskey and probably fuck anything you can get your fucking stupid hands on and that's fucking fine but for fuck sake at least show a little bit of sympathy for us" she shouted some more. It hurt like fuck but she was in hysterics. I just grabbed her and held get in my arms as she cried. What else could i do? I was too much of a man to admit that I cried about it too.