Sally can wait

Manchester is where my heart lies

The train to Manchester was awkward to say the least. Liam was quiet and i was like a mute. Flo was starting to say words now, not many but still, her mumbling broke up the silence. Lennon was playing with her and her little toys as liam held her. I sat stairing out the window.

Last night was a mistake. I wasnt suposed to feel this way about liam any more. I thought i had made up my mind. I thought we were over. I had spent so much time choosing that i didn't want him any more yet i couldn't get him out my head.

He was like my oxygen, i needed him and i didnt understand because i convinced myself i didnt want him. Liam was getting pissed because a few people had come up to him asking for autographs and stuff while he was with the kids and he didnt like that.

I could see him loosing his patience and thats when i realised that he needed me too. It wasnt just the episodes talking he truely did need me to be there with him. I sighed and looked over to him.

"Liam are you ok?" I asked as he held Flo on his leg.

"Yeah" he said looking at me in surprise that i was talking.

"Just chill out yeah," i said smiling. He scoffed a little and then smilled and looked at Florance who was playing with a rattle on Liams knee. She was only 14 months old but she was very smart.

###

After arriving in manchester and popping in to say hi to peggy for a while we went to the old house. It was the exact same way we left it. The kids were with peggy and me and liam had time to talk things over. To talk about last night and just that strange day in general.

"So um... i was goin to go round the pub if you wanna come" liam said.

"Its only two oclock in the afternoon cant we stay in for a bit and talk" i said looking down. Liam acraches his head and slumped down on the chair.

"Look sally last night shouldn't have happened you made that pretty clear when you work up the next morning and ignored me 'till we got to the station" he said.

"I wasnt going to say that" i lied, seeing the hurt in his face.

"Why lie? What were you gonna say?" He asked moodily.

"I was going to say that yes, it shouldnt have happened but not that it shouldnt have happened at all, just that it should have been when we were sure of whats hapoening here" i said. Liam scoffed and stood up, he took the 3 quick steps to get to me. I flinched but he put his hand on my cheek.

He swooped down and kissed me but i pulled away. "Thats how i know your bullshitting me" he said.

"Im not liam, i just dont understand whats going on here" i said.

"Let me make this easy for you yeah" he said. "D'you love me?" He asked.

"Course i love ya" i said, he smiled. He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Are you still in love with us?" He asked. I blinked before answering. My brain speaking before i could.

"Yes" i blurted out. He looked at me, with the same lustfull eyes he had the night before.

"Dyou wanna be with me, do you trust me even?" He asked. I thought yesterday that we were over for sure, but i couldnt walk away, Liam could stab me in the back and pull my heart out before chucking it away and i wouldnt leave him. I was tethered to him. Stuck like super glue. That terrified me.

"Course i do, i want t'be with ya Li,.but i dont trust you" i said, might as well be honest.

"Prove it" he said.

"What?"

"Prove you wanna be with us sal," he said. I should have walked away right then. I should have told him i dont need him but that would all have been a lie. My heart was his and it felt like i was trapped.

His hand was on my cheek, eyes still looking into mine. I had to compose myself. Remind myself that this was a man i had loved for most of my life. I was trying so hard to ignore the pit in my stomach as j leaned up and kissed him.

I cant describe the kiss. It was like when you do something wrong and its an adrenaline rush and it feels amazing but at the same time theres a niggling at the back of your head telling you this is all wrong. I felt ashamed. Like i was leading liam on and giving him false hope.

Not false hope as such, i just wanted to trust him again so that i could be with him without all these insecuritys.

As i kissed him he pushed me backwards towards the couch. I smiled as he pushed me down, both of us lusting for this. He took his shirt off before following me onto the couch and kissing me again. I grabbed his arm holding him like if i let him go he would vanish into thin air.

He pulled away to pull my top up. I wasnt wearing a bra due to how hot it was recently, his hands went staight for my tits as he kissed my neck.

"I missed you" he whisoered into my ears as i shivered. I was lusting over him and he was right infront of me.

I thumbled with his belt as we continued, i just wanted to feel like i did last night when he held me. Liams gental touch was somethjng that always took me by surprise. I knew he did this every time but every time was like the first all over again.

"Liam, please" i moaned. He sat me up so i was in his lap. He brushed my hair behind my ear. My heart pounded. "Sally Cinnamon i fucking love you" he said kissing me. I panted.

"I know babe, i know" i said holding his head before smashing his lips onto mine.

Moments later we were both naked, he held me into his body as he kissed my skin, he made me feel loved, wanted, unlike the things i had felt before i knew in my heart me and liam were suposed to be together. I moaned as he took care of me, like i was made of glass. He whispered in my ear how he missed me, how he was sorry, all my fears melted away.

I hated that i gave in, but another part of me always knew i would because Liam was my soulmate. Liam was to me, as what drugs, alcahol, oasis was to him. He was my drug, and i was hooked on him.

It was like getting my first hit after 10 months of sobriety. It was the most euphoric feeling in the universe. His body on my, his hands holding me, his lips tracing my body.

###

I work up about an hour after. Liam was wrapped up in a sheet at the end of the couch watching football, the end of the sheet covering my body too. I wished he would grow his hair out again. I missed his shaggy long hair.

"I miss it too" he said. Did i say that out loud?

"Then grow it out again" i said. He looked at me and smiled.

"Anything for you babe" he said as i sat up and he pulled me into his side.

"Liam"

"What?" He asked playing with my hair.

"Could we not tell anyone, that were back together" i asked. He looked at me, eyebrows raised.

"I juat dont want everyone to know were back together yet," i said.

"Why not?" He asked.

"So we can have some time together, privacy for a while or sommit" i said. The truth was i was scared to say this was real. In 3 month he leaves for a year. A fucking year. Fair enough hes home a few weeks through out the year but i know id this gets made official then ill miss him and everyone will want to know my buissness and its none of theres.

"You want to wait till im back? From tour?" He asked. Like he read my mind.

"I just dont want to get too attached again." I said. He sighed and pulled me close.

"Ill miss you, you know" he said smiling at me. I nodded. Ill miss him too. I just didnt have the guts to say it.