The Story of Griffin Hawkins

Chapter Four

            “Er, I’m not sure,” I confessed and he grabbed my hand, his slightly warmer than mine.

            He squeezed it for reassurance. “When you figure that out, tell me I’ll do it. You can call me twenty-four seven. You know that, right?”

            “Yeah, I do.” Harley was there whether I needed him or not and he was a positive person to have in my life. I almost wished I had felt more for him.

            The rest of the night consisted of Harley trying to keep me happy. He kept feeding me drinks whenever I asked, he made me dance with him, and he introduced me to some funny people. I still felt Griffin’s piercing gaze in my back and for some reason I choose to ignore it. He was unbelievably attractive and there was something about him that intrigued me. I had no interest to talk to him. I found it slightly awkward since we both knew we were in group together for depression. Was it a good first talk, in an outside setting, to go deep and talk about our depression? I didn’t really want to.

            Talking about my depression was scary for me. It made my heart clench at the thought of speaking about it in-group—I was utterly terrified. I had a thing about public speaking because I had always hated having all that attention on me. It was nerve racking and I pretty much had a full on anxiety attack every time I had to give presentations in high school. It was easy flirting with random guys in bars, but giving a presentation was disaster zone for me. Because I was so nervous, I used to go over the top. I earned A’s on all my presentations and it was worth it for all the anxiety I went through. I wouldn’t receive a grade for this speech.

            My stomach churned at the thought of giving a speech about my depression right now. Harley recognized the cringe on my face and leaned in towards my ear to shout over the music.

            “You okay? You look like you may be sick?” He questioned, concerned. “I can show you to the bathroom.”

            I shook my head, “No, I’m okay. I was just thinking about something.”

            He gave me a lopsided grin, “hopefully you weren’t making that constipated look because of me?”

            I smacked his arm, “I don’t look constipated and no, I wasn’t.”

            “How would you know? You didn’t see your face!” He gave me a hearty laugh and I found myself smiling and giving him a short breathy laugh of my own.

            “You’re beautiful when you smile, you know that right?” His voice sounded huskier.

            I gaped, “are you saying I look ugly when I’m not smiling?” I teased, but he didn’t pick it up.

            His eyes widened, “no, no. I didn’t mean it like that!” He freaked out.

            I smiled, “I’m messing with you, Kline. Learn the sarcasm.” He exhaled in relief, held his hand over his heart, and gave me a toothy grin. I rolled my eyes at him when a figure stumbled into me. They threw their arm over my shoulder and I instantly knew who it was. “Hi, Kirsten.” She gave me a Cheshire smile before burping in my face. I waved my hand in front of my face from the smell of beer. “Sexy.”

            She covered her mouth, “Oh crap, I’m sorry!” She immediately apologized and I shrugged it off. “I think it’s about time to get going.”

            I nodded, “Good, I’m starting to get a headache from the music.”

            “I’ll walk you back before I head out.” Harley told Kirsten.

            She waved her hand in disagreement. “You can crash at Kim’s too.”

            We found Kim, grabbed our coats and headed out into the icy air. I turned my head to look at Harley as he said something to Kirsten, but my eyes connected to the black holes that belonged to Griffin. He took a long drag from his cigarette before flicking it to the ground and stomping on it with his black combat boots.  He took a swig of his beer and left his face emotionless as he stared back. Someone called his name and he turned to go inside, without looking back. The whole scenario left a weird feeling in my stomach.

            We arrived at Kim’s just as it started to snow again. My fingers were basically frozen, and my nose was running something I was sure was attractive. Harley helped my out of my coat and warmed up my hands by creating friction with his. He stopped once I was able to move them. “Thanks,” I sighed and plopped onto the couch in her small, college apartment.

            It wasn’t in the best of shape, but it was manageable for her and that’s what she liked. Plus, it was cheap, close to campus, and close to the bars. Kim bustled around trying to get us situated like a good host. The couch pulled out into a bed, my sleeping arrangement for the night.

            Harley hadn’t taken off his coat or shoes and stood awkwardly in the doorway. “I’m going to get going,” he stated simply, while Kirsten and Kim were in the other room.

            “Harley,” I argued, “just stay. It’s late, you’ve been drinking, and it’s snowing again. Not a good combination.” He contemplated for a second before letting his conscious take over. He slipped out of his shoes and jacket, tossing them by the table. “You can sleep on the bed with me.”

            Maybe to other people this could imply more, but to me I was simply telling a friend he didn’t have to sleep on the floor. I wasn’t awkward in the least around guys and God knows I’ve slept in a bed with a guy before and nothing happened.

            “You sure?” He asked hesitantly. “I can sleep on the floor.”

            “I’m not going to let you sleep on the floor when there’s a perfectly good spot on the bed. Besides, I can sleep by a guy without anything sexual happening.” I didn’t know it at the time because I had been trying to set up the bed, but Harley’s face clouded and his mouth dropped to a frown.

            “Okay,” he agreed and began to help me set the bed up. Soon, Kirsten was in Kim’s bed, while Harley jumped in with me.

            It was extremely cold in the apartment; I didn’t know how Harley could stand it in only shorts and a shirt. I was in shorts too, but this was ridiculous. I was tempted to grab a sweatshirt and sweatpants while my teeth chattered.

            I heard Harley sigh deeply before rolling onto his side and pulling my waist towards him. He pulled my back up against his chest and wrapped his arms around me. His breath felt warm against my neck and I found myself relishing in Harley’s body heat. I wasn’t getting the heat I wanted and instead, rolled over onto my other side. I was face to face with Harley, but I snuggled into him for warmth. He held me tighter and kissed my forehead goodnight. I was lulled off into sleep in minutes.