bleeding hearts [h.s]

twenty nine

I woke up no longer felt used; I just felt tired and hurt.

My room seemed dull in comparison to the vibrant dreamscape I had just inhabited. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, and ran my fingers through my hair. I sat up in bed and glanced at the couch--Harry wasn't there. The blanket was folded neatly on the arm of the sofa, and all his belongings were gone.

Disappointment flooded through me, and I slid out of bed. I went through a routine; tied up my hair, washed my face, brushed my teeth. I packed up my toiletries and shoved them into my suitcase. I changed into the sweatshirt and jeans that I had laid out yesterday. I shoved my pajamas into my bag and do a once over of the room. I grabbed my charger and my phone. I go to get the room key, but I realized it was not where I thought it was; my brows furrowed as I tried to recount where I placed them yesterday.

The door opened and it caught my attention. Harry ducked into the room, nudging the door shut with his foot. He looked up from the floor and was clearly surprised to see me awake. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a little relieved that he returned.

"Hi," he said breathlessly.

"Hi."

"I--um--I took your room key so that I wouldn't leave the door unlocked while you were asleep," he explained. He looked down at his hands and jetted a cup towards me. "I brought you some coffee, because I woke you up so late. I tried to remember what your order was; I knew it was a nonfat cappuccino, but I couldn't remember if you took three sugars or four, so I brought you six--"

"Three."

"Pardon?" He asked.

"I take three sugars," I began. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said with a nod as he handed me the cup; the cardboard sleeve kept my fingertips from burning. I looked at him, he was now wearing sweats, and a beanie was hiding his curls.

"You changed clothes," I observed.

"Um...yeah," he paused looking down at his clothes. "I walked too go get my car; then I ran by my apartment and changed."

"You were up early."

"Yeah... I figured you would like some coffee and I knew I needed it." He told me. I nodded and gestured to a small table and chairs by the window. He sat in the chair opposite of me and stared mindlessly at his coffee. I tore open the sugar packets and popped the lid off of the cup. I added the sugar before tasting the hot liquid and smiled at the new found sweetness.

He sighed. "I need to tell you how sorry I am; I feel terrible."

"Why did you drink last night, Harry?" I asked softly.

He looked down at his hands and his brows furrowed. "Sometimes, I wake up and the world is okay. I can live and survive, but other days it is like it is all...too much."

"Yesterday was one of those days?" I asked, thinking back to being beside him on the boat yesterday afternoon.

"No," he whispered. "Yesterday was... a welcome distraction. Last night though, everything was just too quiet and too dark... and I just didn't want to feel anymore."

"So you came here," I began. "To what? Use me as a 'welcome' distraction?"

"No," he said firmly. "I never intended to do that, and it wasn't fair of me."

"I'm not her, Harry. I am never going to be her." I whispered. "Surely you must know that."

"I do," he defended.

"I may have her heart, but we are two different people." I mumbled, sipping on my coffee. "I don't know if that is why you have been so nice to me, or why you showed up here last night--"