"Nothing's that bad
If it feels good
So you come back
Like I knew you would
And we're both wild
And the night's young
And you're my drug
Breathe you in 'til my face numb"
—Bad Things, Camila Cabello & Machine Gun Kelly
* * *
From : Daniel Jacob Doyle
February 17th
Dear Lissa,
What a better way of surviving Valentine's Day era than remembering how confused you had me that day, so irresistible...
WHAT THE HELL is she doing to me? I mean, the normal version of me wouldn't even think of a mindless kiss while said kiss is happening. Yeah, I like to think I've trained myself to be that detached. But here I am, wanting to kiss her again. Don't get me wrong, this involves zero sentimental value--or at least I believe it does--, and that this is pure lust because who wouldn't feel that towards such a gorgeous human like her?
Long story short, I'm having a hard time forgetting last night's events and I want a do over. Another one. And whatever that wish entails, in terms of how I feel or don't feel about Lissa, scares the shit our of me.
So, figuring it out is not quite easy when you see how broken she is and feel this need to fix her, protect her and kill every single idiot who dares to hurt her. I could start with that Aiden Mont-douchebag. It's terrifying that just by sleeping next to her, or tickling her to hear her weird laugh, you know that there's a chance of falling and a risk of breaking. It's possible to fall for Lissa Madden, hell it can be even inevitable when you have her butt in your face, while she climbs upstairs, mocking you, and making very clear that if you fall for her there is are only two posiblities, as in everything in life: either she jumps into the unknown with you or turns around and walks away from you. So if the latter does takes place, you now fall with the courage you jumped with long gone, and instead, an insanely burning pain of knowing that there's no doubt you'll break when you hit the floor because no one's there to catch you. I take risks, but I've seen what proving your luck with the risk love involves does to a person and I promote self-preservation. That's why I don't date or stick around with any girl, I know what breaking feels like and I'd be damned if I put myself through that voluntarily.
God. Did I just think all that?
I was just talking about love in general, right? I mean, Lissa is just like any other girl who will never be my girlfriend because I have a very shady view of life and t's not like I'll find myself in a crossroad between letting myself love her or walk away anytime soon, I met her a month ago for God's sake.
Yet here you are, throwing her a huge ass party, thinking about her ass and her laugh...
Oh shut up that's what you do for friends. I would throw Mason a party if his birthday was as shitty as Lissa's turned out to be.
"Are you coming or what?" She asks while running towards the water. Looking really pretty in her bikini, one that makes her look out of a Victoria's Secret catalogue.
Now my thoughts make sense, don't they? Even gay guys would be drooling over her right now and considering her mouth to kiss, maybe not only her mouth...
Okay now I'm just being a horny creep of a man and zoning out on her again.
"Yeah I'm coming," I finally reply catching up to her. I don't miss Mason telling Cameron "he was totally checking her out" behind me. Jackass.
YOU ARE READING
R E W I N D
Teen FictionI now know that the worst kind of loss is not knowing what it is that you've lost. These letters were never meant to be anything other than the record of my love story, some kind of rewind button back to when we were happy. But life has funny ways...
