Left Outside Alone

31. Innocence Lost

I'd hear his words over and over in my head.

Mr. Dawson is dead.

I felt weak, tired... Everything was spinning... He kept shouting..

And suddenly, it all turned to dark.

Rose was found in a puddle of blood. The mere memory of the sight is enough to terrify me. Unconscious, she lay on the bottom of the main staircase, her dress and the floor blemished with the red proof of the loss she had just suffered. I wanted to approach her, to hold her and reassure her that she would survive, although I could not. Nathan had put his arms tightly around me, refusing to loosen his grip until I, first and foremost, was in a safe place distant from Rose enough so that I would not witness any more of that frightening sight. I was in my chambers, a confinement made out of pure concern for my own well-being, while Rose was being taken to the hospital.

Mrs. Hockley had refused to join them, equipped with the duty to keep me company and inform on any updates, whereas Jacob and Nathan had traveled with Mrs. Dewitt Bukater so that she could be by her daughter's side during this difficult time.

The dreadful news came two hours later. The baby was gone; it was a boy.

Rose would have to remain in hospital for the rest of her recovery, which would last at least two days.

During Mrs. Hockley's narrative of the events, I could not help wondering, amidst all the anxiety, where Cal had been. He had not appeared by his wife's side, neither had he asked to be driven to the hospital. The mysterious absence did not agree with the image of a gentleman he so eloquently presented, which Mrs. Hockley did not comment on, except to mention it as ignorance from her son's part.

"Such a tragic incident... Very dreadful," she repeated. She was standing by the window opposite me, looking at the garden. Turning to face me, she brought her hands in front of her and resumed her role as the matriarch of the family:

"But we should not let it affect us. It... I am certain Rose will recover soon. She is still young. Surely she and Caledon will wish for another child, given that he still needs to produce a male heir for the company... Since his father might not be able to be in charge for much longer..."

Never would I have expected to see Mrs. Hockley in tears. The notion was apparently surprising to both of us, for she hastened to wipe them off with her fingers. Wearing again her stiff mask, she added:

"But should it be so, Rose should make sure she gets plenty of rest. She seems to worry too much about Rebecca, avoiding the fact that she is taken the best of care by her nanny. Can you imagine, she would ask to be alone with her daughter for a few hours every day!"

I understood her way of thinking. Coming from a background and era of strict and distant upbringing, Mrs. Hockley saw her children only once or twice a month, according to the circumstances. I could not, however, not defend Rose:

"She was careful. It's not her to blame."

"Yes, of course," she whispered, as was her way to express her disagreement. "Which reminds me, you ought to get rest as well. I cannot hide I was surprised to see you at luncheon today. With someone of your experience, I would have expected you to be more careful as well. Your husband seems very excited about this arrival, and we would certainly not wish for two tragic losses to happen within a short period of time."

Suddenly, I felt a gripping pain on my backside. It was similar to the pain I had felt shortly after we received the news of Rose's loss, except, this once, more intense. I tried to hide it from my mother-in-law, however, and give her the answer she eagerly expected: