The Unknown. Phan AU

Chapter 17

I apologise in advance

Dan wasn't even too sure how he ended up there. There, in the bathroom with a razor pressed against his arm and blood dripping down onto the tiles. He wasn't even crying, a numb feeling enveloping his body and pulling him underwater. He was drowning in thoughts, finding it almost impossible to stay afloat in the rough sea. He felt so alone. Even more alone than he had felt when living with his parents: there were people so close but they were just out of reach. Trust was an issue too because everyone was just going to cause him pain.

Dan stood up, realising he had no idea where any bandages would be kept. He washed himself up but the cuts were still bleeding. He heard someone knock and before he could stop them from coming in, the person was standing in front of him, a disappointed look on their face. "I thought you had stopped." Ethan said, his eyes too fixed on Dan's arm to look up into his hurt eyes. "How selfish are you?"

Stepping back so his back was pressed against the wall, he could feel the fear again.

"Do you want me to hurt myself?"

Dan shook his head rapidly as Ethan put a rough hand on Dan's shoulder.

"Then don't do this. You're just being selfish and not considering the fact that you're hurting me too."

-

They were watching another movie and it seemed like Ethan was back to his normal self because he was cuddling his boyfriend in a protective way. He was even joking about the characters and making Dan laugh which hadn't happened since he had changed.

It all went wrong though. There couldn't be a normal moment for Dan because he reached for the bowl of popcorn but Ethan pulled it away from him. "I don't think you need any popcorn, you're getting a bit pudgy." Ethan let out a soft laugh, poking Dan's stomach in what appeared to be a joke-y way. It actually hurt him though.

-

Dan dropped his sandwich into the bin on the way to the library. He sat opposite Phil who was reading a new book but it wasn't manga that time. It was The Maze Runner, a book Dan had read in the past and loved. "F-Favourite character?" Dan questioned.

"It has got to be Newt." (*starts crying*) Dan nodded in agreement. A part of him wished that, when he looked up, Phil would notice the pain in his eyes and save him but he didn't. He just kept reading his book, oblivious to the fact that Dan was hurting so much.

-

Ethan: How's school? I miss you

Dan: It's really boring :/ I miss you too

Dan was lying. He loved school now because it meant he could be away from Ethan who just continuously hurt his feelings.

Ethan: Maybe we could go out for a walk after school

Ethan: It could be a cute little date

Dan: That sounds nice

He didn't want to go out with him. He hated to admit it but he was now petrified of the blue-haired boy.

Ethan: Wear something nice, alright?

Dan: I will :)

-

Dan changed into some skinny jeans and a nice button-up shirt. He looked into the bathroom's mirror and did a little twirl for himself, deciding that he actually looked half decent. He opened up the door, picking up his school uniform and taking it downstairs to go in the wash. He bumped into Ethan who sent him a funny look before muttering, "I don't like that shirt."

Dan frowned, looking down at it. He really liked it so how come Ethan didn't? What was wrong with it?

"You can borrow something of mine? It might look a little better on you." Dan nodded, following Ethan back upstairs. Ethan started to rummage through his wardrobe before pulling out a black jacket. "This might actually make you look decent." He said, chucking it to his boyfriend. Dan grimaced as he held it in his hands but pulled it on over his shoulders anyway. He hated how tight it was on his arms but managed to smile when Ethan grinned at him. "That's better. Oh, by the way, we might get dinner or something so you'll need your wallet."

Dan nodded, grabbing his wallet without even thinking twice.

-

Ethan and Dan were walking hand in hand down the street and towards town. "So, how's life?" Ethan asked out of thin air. Dan just shrugged, earning a light punch from Ethan. It looked like it could have been friendly but Dan knew better.

"D-Decent." He whispered, looking down at their feet which were moving in perfect time with each other. Any passerby would probably have called them cute but their relationship wasn't even close to cute. It was terrifying and manipulative.

"Good. How's school?"

"Not s-so great."

"How come? Are you too stupid?" Ethan's tone was laced with sarcasm but Dan took it literally, feeling as though someone had punched him in the stomach. Dan nodded, making Ethan laugh gently.

-

"Is this alright?" Ethan asked, pointing up at a takeaway shop's logo as Dan nodded slowly. They walked into the restaurant and up to the counter, taking a moment to look at the menus. Once they decided on their orders, Ethan recited them to the worker.

The worker asked for the money, sounding more than bored.

Ethan reached into his back pocket before blushing slightly and mumbling to Dan, "I think I accidentally left my wallet at home. I promise I'll pay next time."

Dan slowly reached into his pocket and took out his wallet, getting the exact amount of money needed and paying the worker. "It will be a few minutes."

Ethan and Dan nodded.

He didn't want there to be a next time.

I'm actually genuinely proud of this book (although I'll probably look back at it in a few months and hate it). Even if it's really sad, I like it :3