Save yourself // Thomas Shelby

My love.

It was like my whole world had fallen apart.

I never expected to be alone without John.

He was always going to be in my life, I hadn't thought otherwise.

He was my best friend and I was his right arm.

What was I supposed to do without him?

Functioning?
That just didn't seem possible.

I'd been dragged to the family meeting, by Arthur.

Although it was not on popular demand that I show - since I'd not been in a fit state since the day John died.

I'd taken place next to Arthur. He held my hand, much to Linda's dismay.

Linda had attempted to ask me to position myself elsewhere. However, Arthur was having non of it.

"Pull up a chair elsewhere Linda and be quiet." He ordered, watching as she slumped away with an expression that was not impressed. "And no - you're not moving anywhere." Arthur sang down at me, as he tightened his grip a little for comfort.

He must have read my mind because I was more than happy to just leave.

The steps sent chills down my spine as Tommy entered the room.

I hadn't faced him since that afternoon in the morgue.

I couldn't.

"John is dead." Was the only statement I listened to, as I thought back to the many times where John had taken his place at the table. Before pulling me onto his lap, and holding out a whiskey for the both to share.

John had always taken good care of me - throughout the good, and the bad.

But where was he now?

Perhaps he was watching over, waiting for me to join him, and let the both of us watch over Junior.

"He as the oldest brother... will put this bullet... into his fucking head." Arthur's cold words sang and brought me back into reality as my thoughts of John faded into the back of my mind for a moment as I looked at the bullet engraved with 'Luca' on.

"There's been some bad blood between us.-" Tommy started but Pol's laughs were enough for the whole room to quieten, as it was a true joke what came from his mouth. "-but until this all settles, we should stay together." Was the last thing I had caught until I heard his name. "Aberama Gold."

I slammed my hands down on the table. "No." I demanded, looking directly at Tommy as I spoke now.

"No, No Tom. I'll get' ya fifty Lee boys." Pleaded Johnny Dogs, but I knew it was no use.

"What business do you have bringing my own blood further into this mess, Tommy? He is my uncle. He is pure trouble where you need him not to be concerned." I tried to reason.

It was true - I was a blood relative to Aberama.

Tommy completely ignored me, but answered Johnny instead. "I don't need good men for this Johnny, I need bad men."

They sat and spoke between them, bitterly.

As I listened to my own thoughts relating back to what John would be doing if he were here now.

However, Arthur's quick-fire voice spoke and brought me back into reality. "Shut up Finn." He demanded, only to be denied by Tommy who offered Finn a seat at the table.

I scoffed.

"John wouldn't like this." I sang spitefully. "Sending a boy to do a mans job."

"Well John ain't here." Linda coldly noted and I shot up like a bullet, throwing myself the little distance between us and holding her neck tight.

No one interrupted.

In all honesty, I was sure they all thought she deserved what I was doing.

"No fuckin' shit Linda, love. Don't ya fuckin' think I'd not noticed my husband bein' knocked off in front of me own eyes?!" I spat at her and she struggled against my power as I dominated her.

I spat at her face as I was close up then pulled back. Straightened myself up.

"Enough." Ada quietly pleaded and I nodded as I sat back by Arthur, who weakly smiled at me and took my hand to calm me down.

Polly spoke next, calling a truss.

That left myself, and Linda.

Knowing full well Linda too would truss, we ignored her and eyes turned to me.

I chuckled spitefully. "Now, my husband ain't here at the moment, as fuckin' lovely Linda over there pointed out. So I too shall speak on behalf of him." I began, although I could see Linda rolling her eyes from the side of me. "Before this crap all happened, John and I made a pact to be there for each other, and to stick by our own thoughts. He was my best friend, and wouldn't want me to be alone -" Arthur tightly comforted me through our hands. " I can't say I didn't wonder about joining my friend Esme and uncle Johnny's boys... but John wouldn't want me going far from his heart. So here I am. And for John's fuckin' sake - we best kiss and make up for the time bein' because this war will be the death of us all if we don't get together." I spoke as I had outlined my answer within my words.

Tommy nodded and then spoke.
He declared that that was it for us, and we were to move back to Small Heath or the surrounding area.

"Wha' was it you expected to happen, tell me Tommy?" I inquired as I stood behind the tall figure who stared out into the courtyard of Small Heath streets we knew so well.

He sighed, almost deciding on whether to lie or just be honest with me. "I just want to protect them. I want to prove to you that my word, although useless for John, will be the most truest words to have ever left my mouth. I want to show you I can protect them at any cost. Unfortunately, it has taken John's death to bring us together-"

"But John would be proud. In fact, his ego would be out of this world. To think he meant so much that the family feud would come to a stop thanks to him." I chuckled.

I watched slowly as Tommy turned around.

There appeared to be a small glimmer of hope caught in his eyes as he gently smiled at me.

"I know I let you down, Indi." He began and I shook my head "- no, let me finish." He demanded.
I sighed and turn to take a seat on the side chair that was placed by Tommy's fire. "And trust me, I'll never forgive myself for the pain I've put you through - not just on this occasion. But for John's sake, I'll watch over you as if you were my own... not that I already do that or anything. But this, you being closer, is for your sake and John's. I made a promise to him a long time ago to keep you out of trouble, if possible. But I won't let any harm come to you... or to Junior. And one day, when all this is over, we'll sit down and have a proper family meal again. Like you and John always wanted."

Tommy's kind words reminded me of the man I once loved.

The man that was hidden deep inside Tommy.

A man who cared too much.

A man with weaknesses.

"Save us, Tommy. Save this family. For John."