The warm sun beat down upon Riverdale that afternoon, though all Alice felt was the chilled, measly, dark cloud that seemed to follow, slowly metastasizing as it traveled with her. In her car, she felt more than isolation from just the town, but from the world. She had driven toward the outskirts of town with the box of her stuff from work in the passenger seat beside her. Not only had her marriage crumbled that day, but so had her job and her hopes of having a friendship with FP, all in one. When she finally made it to one of the uncommon back roads of the town, she pulled over on the shoulder, turning off the car. She just sat there. No tears. No anger. No thoughts, Just emptiness. That hole in her heart had finally taken its toll on her and she began to wonder how long it'd be until she hadn't a heart at all.
Staring out the windshield ahead of her, she tightened her grip on the steering wheel, replaying her entire life within her mind. A part of her hated her sudden sense of apathy and carelessness for it all. Prior to Hal's disappearance at the Register, she had cried herself into a sort of lockdown. As she packed up her desk, she forced herself to forget the past month.
In the car on the side of the road, she realized she had been frozen in that state. Closing her eyes, she remembered everything. Her kids, her marriage, her childhood, her life. Her failures and successes. Her mistakes and decisions. She thought of it all, hoping to unfreeze her emotions. She needed to feel it all again. Though she knew it would hurt, she had to. She wanted to. She began to wonder if all the hurt she'd gone through was just well-deserved payback for any wrong she had ever done. Yes....She knew she deserved it.
She remembered that first day in grade school, meeting young FP Jones. Her heart recalled her sadness when she often went home alone, with no friends to speak of. Her loneliness as a child had spun into her adulthood and that thought caused her heart to beat again, though not enough. That first day of middle school...when she made a presentation in class and the other kids laughed at her, only she laughed at them inside, knowing they were scum. Though a part of her still hurt. Not a single person around her knew how she felt. Not one. Then...that day in seventh grade...FP stood up to a bully for another kid and Alice stood on the other side of the hallway, watching. It was then she finally knew what butterflies felt like. Then...in high school, their first kiss, their second kiss, their first date at the Drive-in, their first time at Sweetwater River. She thought of every moment she looked at him as a teenager, feeling everything once again. She thought of the Serpents and the break up. She remembered how her anxiety attacks felt without FP and how they disappeared when she met Hal. Hal was always comfortable. She always told herself that Hal saved her. She ruined that when she found out she was pregnant. She wanted the baby, but she couldn't have him. She had two daughters who used to think the world of her, but now? Nothing. They thought nothing of her. And so did her husband. And....so did he. The one. FP Jones.
Finally, her heart unfroze and the tears fell again. She placed her elbow on the car door beside her, resting her head in her hand and crying in the silence of her vehicle.
When she finally stopped, she looked on ahead, re-starting her car and continuing to drive.
Standing outside of the apartment door, she knocked with a shaking of her sad hand. It had to be done. The secrets would finally be spilled and the dirt of her past would be out in the open.
"Mrs. Cooper?" Chic said the moment he opened the front door. "Wh-what are you doing here?"
"I need to talk to you. It's important." She said as she anxiously fiddled with the sleeve of her coat.
"Come on in." He hesitated before stepping aside to let her in. After closing the door when she entered, he turned and watched her awkwardly stand in the middle of the room. "Uh...would you like some water or something?"
"No. I, um..." She turned to face him and made her hands into terrified fists. "I might not be here very long." She sighed, looking down and closing her eyes before getting right to the point. "I just have one thing to say and I know that you might hate me after, but I want you to know that if I could do it all again much differently...I definitely would."
"Oh....kay?" Chic placed his hands into his sweatshirt pocket, still standing in front of the door.
"Your-" She paused, taking in a deep breath to stop her slight feeling of nausea. "Your father was one of the best men I ever knew. He and I met when I was seven years old and I fell in love with him when I was twelve. As you know...the Southside is not the best place to grow up and things back then, believe it or not, were much worse than they are now. We were so in love in high school, but things got in the way of our relationship and eventually, we ended it. But not before we conceived you." She pinched the bridge of her nose before continuing. "After things were over between us, I moved to the Northside and met Hal...Mr. Cooper. About two months later we found out about you and decided to keep your real father a secret. He had been caught up in gang-related things and we thought it best to keep you away from that. When we, regretfully, gave you up, we knew that we'd be lousy parents at our age and we didn't want to ruin your life. I know that doesn't excuse the secrets and the lies, but when you showed up on our doorstep the other day, I didn't want to overwhelm you with the truth about your biological father or give you any reason to hate me anymore than you already did." She felt herself wanting to cry again, but she held it back. "I was selfish in not telling you. I know that now. But..." She sniffled. "I came to let you know that your father would love to meet you...if you are okay with that."
"I-" Chic began to speak, but Alice's phone rang.
She sighed, not wanting to answer, but Chic gestured his hand, letting her know it was okay for her to pick it up and she did. "Hey, Betty." She pepped up her voice a bit, hoping Hal hadn't told her or Polly the divorce news yet. "Wait, wait. Slow down. What's wrong?" She listened intently to her daughter on the other end, feeling her heart pound with every sound of Betty's sobs. "Calm down, baby. I'll be right there." She hung up, feeling her nerves beginning to crash as she looked to her son. "I...I have to go. I'm sorry." Chic reached for the door handle, opening it for her. As she walked out, she stopped on the doorstep to look back at him and quietly cried out, "I'm sorry" before rushing to her car and driving away.
YOU ARE READING
Speak To Me
Fanfiction"Polly felt the babies kick for the first time and Mom came rushing into the living room to feel them with a smile. She was so so happy and then Polly called for Dad. The moment he stepped into the room, my mother's smile vanished and she went right...
