Aqua Terrarium (Nagi No Asukara)

Chapter Nineteen

"Can't this day get any worse?!" I moaned in embarrassment just as my head emerged from the water and Chisaki's voice echoed in the quiet pier.

"Manaka!" My head immediately lifted up to see her running after Manaka while leaving behind a blank-faced Tsumugu. Their expressions spoke volumes, my legs quickly sprinting to catch up to Tsumugu's form.

"Tsumugu!" I called out before I stopped in front of him to catch my breath. "What happened?"

"Mukaido heard. Did you know? That Hiradaira likes Hikari..." he trailed off, my form freezing in place. My head slowly looked up to face him, his eyes looking at me nonchalantly like he always did.

Gulping, I rose up and nodded. "I have. For a long time..."

"She asked me to be her red-bellied sea slug."

"She did?" It felt odd for Chisaki to do so. Could it be that the strain was getting to her? The same feelings as mine... Could she not handle it? To have resorted to talking to Tsumugu of all people about it- she probably didn't want any of us to know.

And yet Manaka...

"I don't understand what she wants to achieve by keeping it from everyone but isn't it better that Hikari knows," Tsumugu spoke, eyes never leaving mine as I looked away from him to watch where Manaka and Chisaki had run off to.

"And risk ruining our friendship?" I asked him back, the question obviously not meant to be answered. "Chisaki likes Hikari, Hikari likes Manaka, Kaname likes Chisaki, and Manaka..." I trailed off quietly, eyeing Tsumugu and then looking away.

"Mukaido, I have a feeling, likes Hikari too," he added for me.

"What makes you say that? Hikari would like to think otherwise."

"Because she shares the same look that Hiradaira gives Hikari. A different sort of fondness like the way you do for Kaname," Tsumugu explains, the last few words enough to make me freeze.

"Y-you really are too perceptive for your own good," I admit to him, trying my best to ignore the awkward silence beginning to grow after what had just transpired.

"You don't deny it?"

"I don't, there's nothing wrong with you knowing." I shake my head before steeling my gaze to face him. "But you have to keep it a secret from Hikari and Kaname."

"Why?" If we weren't that close, I'd have told him off by now for asking too many questions. Of course, it couldn't be helped that this was a classic trait of Tsumugu's. He had an uncanny way of reading between emotions yet he lacked the empathy to just leave things as is.

"Because it's better off that way. Until I know where I stand in this then I won't make a move."

"Then you'll end up never moving from that spot," he points out to which I sigh in defeat at his words. "I know. But making a move when it's obvious what the outcome will be? I admit, it still scares me," I decide to tell him the truth, something even Chisaki and Manaka never got the chance to know.

No wonder Chisaki chose him as her red-bellied sea slug. He was easy to confide to, not because he gave you the best advices but because having him throw you the most uncomfortable of questions helps you sort yourself and assess the situation better.

"Then doesn't it mean that you should move on?"

I can't help but laugh lightly at his answer. I had already considered that option countless of times. That maybe it would have been better off just helping Kaname whole-heartedly get together with Chisaki.

So why didn't I do it? Why didn't I just move on?

"Because I can't. No matter how painful it is, I like him too much to throw it away." It was a simple reason really, all because he was the first to walk into my life and never leave besides my mother and Takashi.

It was because he held on. No matter how strong the current, he always made sure to never let go. That was always the most painful part for me. He only holds on as a friend, his eyes always looking to Chisaki.

I guess now I know what my mother felt when she let him leave. To think that flashing Hikari and Kaname today was the only thing I was worrying about. I should've seen this coming, after what happened with Sayu, Chisaki had been silent the whole day yesterday after all.

Add to the fact that she let them go ahead and leave her? I was a fool, to think that I had become too complacent and let this happen...

That's why I always ended up letting go.

"If I tell him, he'll feel obligated to care. Kaname is selfless that way. All this time, I'm the one always letting go so that he can swim to her. If he knows then he'll stay and it hurts me more that way."

"Because you want him to stay not because he needs to but because he wants to," Tsumugu finishes for me, a half-smile making it's way to my lips at the words he spoke that I could never bear to linger to.

"It's a painful feeling, isn't it? This emotion we call love?"

In the end, Tsumugu doesn't reply.