Internal cry

Mantra of lies

"... you have to listen to everything she says tonight, okay?"

"Okay, but..."

"She'll be fine, just..."

"Okay."

The front door shut and I walked down the stairs gripping tightly to the railing to steady myself with a frown on my face.

"El?" Mony called from the kitchen.

"El!" she exclaimed as she saw me and rushed over to help. I leaned on her a little and struggled to catch my breath.

"W-what were you t-two talking about?" I panted as she led me to a chair.

"It was nothing, just casual stuff." she dismissed the question and I frowned at the lie.

"Mony," I warned sternly.

"He said you had something important to tell me and that I should take care and listen to everything you say tonight," she clarified what 'casual stuff' was. I sighed and took both her hands in mine.

"Alright, sweetie. I need you to pull up a chair, okay?" She nodded and pulled over another dining chair. She sat down and I laced my hands through hers again.

"Sometimes when Fath- uh- dad gets home at night, he gets a little... angry. And sometimes he can't control himself and he lashed out and people get hurt. Sometimes those people are me. That doesn't mean he doesn't love us, because he does," lie. "It just means he has a few problems and doesn't know how to deal with them. Usually I don't have any trouble dealing with him," lie "But since I'm sick I don't want to risk him getting to you so I need you to hide with me upstairs tonight, alright? Do you think you can do that, sweetie?" I looked up from our hands to meet her eyes.

Her eyes were wide in fear, but she swallowed and nodded with the same determined expression I sometimes wore. I smiled a little at that. She was so much like me and because of that I knew she would be alright.

"Alright, you'll be fine. We'll be fine." I pulled her into a tight hug and sat quietly, listening for any sign of her hiding her tears. When I heard none I let her go with the same forced smile playing on my lips.

"Let's go make pancakes for dinner," I offered and I took pride in the way her face lit up at the idea.

"Seriously?" she exclaimed and I nodded, amused. "Let's go!" She pulled me upright and I forced the dizziness to the back of my mind.

"Okay, okay," I laughed as she pulled the ingredients from the fridge and started mixing the dough.

'Thank you, Simon,' I send up a silent thank you to Simon for leaving that in the fridge.

The hours flew by and Mony and I were cleaning up any evidence left over from our bake off. The counters, the floors and even the walls had flour on them. I giggled at the sight. Mother would have caught a fit.

That's a strange thing to think about for the first time in almost years.

I shook my head to get rid of the thought.

"You missed a spot to your left," I smirked at Mony and watched as she re-swept the area. "You got it," I laughed and nudged her teasingly. She laughed and pushed me back.

We both froze as the front door slammed shut. The familiar, fear-invoking sound of his footsteps on the carpet was like thunder to me. I was the first to snap out of the frozen daze.

"Run, Mony! Run!" I yelled as I pushed her towards the staircase. She stumbled but I yanked her back to her feet as we ran up the stairs. The pounding in my head intensified but I was too focused on getting us to safety to even notice.

"Hurry, hurry!" I urged her into her room and locked the door behind us. I sank to the ground, my back to the door, listening closely for his footsteps. There is a thud in the direction of the stairs and I winced.

Mony was sobbing quietly and I pulled her onto my lap. I gently rocked her and hummed in her ear, hoping to keep her focus on me.

"We'll be fine. We're alright. It's alright," I softly whispered to her in repeat.

A mantra.

There is a heavy pound against the door and I picked her up and moved to sit on the bed with her still curled atop me.

"Open the door!" I heard him roar, his voice heavily slurred.

"We'll be fine. We're alright. It's alright," I whispered to her as I watched the door.

A mantra of lies.

Icy fear shot through me as I realized the reality of the situation.

The door wasn't going to hold.