ASCENSION: BOOK 2 - SHADOW BLOODS.

Chapter 17: Ste Yuj.

I awoke to an empty bed and a note written in charcoal that had been placed on the pillow beside me. It simply read, 'Your burden is my burden.' I knew this was Lexa's way of telling me she had come to terms with what I needed to do, even if it broke her heart to send me into that mountain.
I got dressed and made my way through the corridors of The Ark. It always amazed me that the ruins of this space station, the home of my ancestors, still stood so strong after crashing to the ground all of those years ago. It was a constant reminder that the impossible is always possible.
As I neared the operations room, I heard raised voices. I approached with apprehension, not wishing to meet with the sound of such  discontent. Suddenly the door flew open and my mother marched out of there, her face red with anger. She stormed towards me.
"Is it true? After everything you're going back into Mount Weather?" She asked.
I knew on the other side of that door Lexa had told her she had authorised my plan of action for taking down The Mountain.
"Mom, we talked about this. There's no other way."
She sighed in frustration, "You tell me that Lexa loves you, yet she's willing to send you into the lions den to face lord knows what.  Explain to me how that's love?"
I felt the anger building inside. Attacking what Lexa and I shared was not something to be taken lightly.
"Don't assume you know a damn thing about our relationship. This is my decision. I decide my fate, not you, not The Commander and not those demons that tortured me inside of that mountain! You either help to make this plan work or you step out of my way, your choice."
For a moment we glared at each other in anger until the tension was broken as the door to the operations room opened. Lexa and her Generals stepped out. My mother turned to look at them and swiftly stormed away knowing she could not sway the situation.
I walked over to Lexa, still aware by the look in her eyes she was going against how she felt in her heart. I felt such guilt for hurting the two women in my life I admired the most.
"She will come to terms with what needs to be done, Heda," I said.
Lexa replied with compassion, "Your mother has sacrificed much in her life. Now we ask her to follow this course of action. Her anger is justified, Clarke. Don't scorn her for caring about her daughter."
I knew Lexa was right but I couldn't be weighed down by any more guilt than I already carried. My focus had to be on Mount Weather and an end to this war.
"I need my mind clear, Heda. I need to make this work for all of us."
Lexa nodded, aware that the eyes of her Generals were upon us, "Then it's time to take The Mountain down. I hope you're ready for what's to come, Skaigada?"

As the day drifed on I made what preparations I needed to, physically and mentally.
By noon everything was set. My staged escape with Emerson, through to the infiltration of Mount Weather. Once inside of The Mountain I had twenty four hours to complete the mission before Lexa's orders to evacuate The Clans from TonDC were given. After that point Cage would become aware that The Grounders knew about the missile and that he had a traitor in his ranks.
Raven had set up a secure frequency once I had acquired a radio. Communication and timing was key to this plan working. As soon as the acid fog was disabled and the security systems were shut down Lexa's forces could enter the Mountain via the mine tunnels leaving me to focus on containing the missile ready for detonation.
I nervously waited for Lexa and the others to meet with me before our Skaikru guards threw me into a cell with my enemy.
Lexa entered the operations room early by herself. My heart sank as my eyes met her's, I knew she was here to say goodbye and it hurt more than words could express.
"Where are the others?" I asked.
"Octavia will be the one to take you Emerson, I just needed to...." Her voice broke, unable to continue with her words.
I moved closer and pulled her into my arms,
"Don't say it. Don't say goodbye, this isn't the end for us."
My lips met her's, softly at first until the kiss deepened into a need to never let each other go. I broke away, to look over her face, studying every contour. She brushed her thumb against my cheek, locking her eyes onto mine.
"Were we foolish to believe life would spare us it's cruelty?" Lexa said with sorrow.
I shook my head, "No. It's not foolish to love, it's just difficult for those like us. When this is over, when we bring The Mountain down. Then we'll find our peace. I promise."

I kissed her once more before a knock came at the door. We wiped away our tears and held back our emotions.
"Ste yuj, Heda." I smiled.
She nodded back and turned to open the door. Octavia stood on the other side waiting patiently for us to say our farewells.
Lexa turned to me one last time, "May we meet again, Skaigada."
I returned her words and watched her walk away.
Octavia looked at me with empathy, knowing what I was about to face.
"How are you holding up?" She asked.
I swallowed my feelings and faced my duties, "I'll be fine. I have to be."
She nodded, understanding that I needed to keep my focus.
"Here, Jackson thought you'd be needing this." Octavia handed me the small case of Reaper phials my mother had taken away from me when I was brought to Arkadia.
She continued with an explanation, "It's not what you think. Emerson is gonna be suspicious if you're no longer one of Cage's Reapers. Drink one of these in front of him, it's coloured saline solution, harmless, should be enough though to prove you still fight for The Mountain."
I nodded in gratitude, "I take it my mother had no part in this?"
Octavia sighed, "She's struggling, Clarke. But this is war, she knows in her heart that duty to The Clans and Commander must come first. She may not be able to say it but she's so proud of you. We all are."
I stopped the tears from forming in my eyes, trying my hardest to stay strong in front of Octavia. I offered her my arm in thanks and she grasped it tightly. We had always shared a bond since we were children, a mutual respect, which is why she was the one given the responsibility of making my capture look credible.
I knew what was about to happen, the reason why Lexa had to walk away.
"Do what you need to do, O." I spoke with strength.
She nodded, "Forgive me."
I stood tall as her first punch struck me in the jaw. Then came the second, third and fourth. Blood dripped from the cuts making it a convincing sight for Emerson.
Every blow felt like retribution for those I'd killed, every blow felt like I deserved it. As my body began to give way, I urged Octavia to continue but she refused. It seemed I had now become comfortable with death as my companion. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing considering what was to come.