"-"

+ three ; " lost " +

i'm rlly bad at writing angst and writing in general but enjoy :)

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it was a sunday which meant no work or school but that also meant that the forecasted rainstorm had finally arrived. the pitter patter of the rain was comforting, a constant in his world of change.

a house fire had taken the life of his baby brother and in just a week, everything had gone downhill. his parents, torn with grief, couldn't handle their child being taken away from them, so they decided to join him shortly after. this left him to be thrown around from relative to relative with the few possessions he owned until he could finally enter university and focus on something other than death, loneliness, and the ever pressing feeling of not being wanted.

he clutched the burnt teddy bear that once belonged to his brother and looked outside the window, wondering how it had gone so wrong. his life was far from perfect before, but he would do anything to go back. back to when he didn't cry himself to sleep, back to when he woke up every morning with the smell of fried eggs in the air, back to when he had a family, back to when he was wanted, and needed almost.

but life's tough and he can't go back. he can't, so he banishes all thoughts and voices telling him to join his family, telling him that he can't make it, or that he'll never go anywhere, that he was just a speck floating in the universe, never noticed until gone. he banishes those thoughts and locks them away in a box deep in the back of his mind.

it's only on rainy days like this where he unlocks that box and looks back, and thinks. only on rainy days like this where he hugs the blackened teddy bear in his arms and stares at the worn photograph of his parents and baby brother smiling wide, each holding ice creams. they won the bear at one of the tin can throwing stands. his aim had always been good so he tried his luck and ended up knocking all three cans down. he remembers his brother's grinning face when the stall manager gave him the bear, and the way he ran to hug him immediately after. his parents decided to get ice creams to celebrate and he volunteered to take the picture  as no stranger was willing to help.

and to think it was also the same week the fire happened.

the drumming of the rain started to get softer and soon enough, rays of sunlight were hitting his face and warming his cold hands, numb from gripping the bear and photo so tightly. he carefully put the bear back into a box and placed the photo behind it. shakily he stood up and locked the box, not only containing the bear, but the one containing all of his thoughts . he nudged the box under his bed and left his room and decided to go for a run to clear his mind,

but this time, he didn't look back.

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is this considered as angst? does it matter? probably not. i tried lol, no one said it was going to be good but hey. i still get a gold sticker for trying so :)

i try to have main points in my writing, like things i keep going back to, but it's hardddddd.

anyway have a great sunday evening, or morning, or noon, or whatever.

❤️

started: 10.12.17 finished: 10.12.17
edited: 05. 08. 18 
word count: 594 words

(edit : oh my god this was so bad and it still is but i don't have the energy to unpublish )