Locked Away (GerIta)

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

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He was lying there on my cot, sheets bundled up at his hips, covering the most private of places but leaving his long, tan, slender legs and his toned arms and torso for my eyes to devour. His eyes were dark with lust but held a sharp glint of nervousness as I towered over him, ready to get lost in his tight heat.

Every time I look at him, I wonder how God could make someone look so innocent but could have him seduce me in seconds. I just wanted to touch him. Everywhere.

But I can't. Someone else is already hovering above him with their hands framing his head. They stare at him with desire-filled eyes and a smirk playing on their lips. They are going to take him from me; rip his heart from my reach.

This man, so young and vulnerable who I met just a few days prior is worming his way into my lustful mind and making me want him. God, I do want him. But I feel so utterly ridiculous for it.

I've spoken just a few words with him and only looked at him for about ten minutes and I'm dreaming of him in my bed, tangled in my sheets, gasping my name.

I need to stop.

But he's too beautiful.

~

Ludwig groaned as he woke up. He hated this. He had dreams about that damned Italian almost every night and it was driving him crazy.

Some were of them in a big, open meadow where there wasn't a concentration camp or innocent Jews that he would shoot or little children he would send to choke on toxic fumes. It was just them playing soccer or reading or talking. A world where only they mattered.

Some were of Feliciano crying because he was hurt; getting beaten up by bigger, stronger men in that dreadful alley. His tears streaking his face as his lip bled, a cut marking the soft, pink skin.

Ludwig didn't know how to handle these torturous dreams. They were eating away at his sanity. He didn't think he could handle this anymore without hitting someone. The German was used to having no one.

No one next to him, no one invading his dreams and his thoughts, no one making him feel warm inside. No one to tear down those barriers around his cold heart.

Now this beautiful Italian who he'd spoken with very briefly was working his way deep into his mind and feelings. It all felt so weird; to dream about this man as if they were lovers.

But it also felt so good; to feel warm and surprisingly happy when he awoke in the morning. All these giddy, joyful emotions that bubbled up within him troubled him to no end. He wasn't used to these new sensations and he didn't like it.

The German had forgotten all of those happy things; how to smile, how to laugh, to be friends, to love.

Everyone who knew him now just got the gruff, cold side of him but they accepted it. He thought it to be utterly ridiculous to start opening his heart up when he'd built these titanium walls around it.

The and there, he started to build them up again; strong and unbreakable. Nothing would tear him apart, nothing would make him have feelings for another being. He would not allow it.

Ludwig sat up on his cot and stood up, stretching his tense muscles. He put on the pants of his uniform and the shirt they were required to wear. Shrugging on his army green jacket, he buttoned it up and made sure everything was straight; from the hem to the collar. He went through his usual morning routine of combing his hair back, brushing his teeth and washing his face before putting on the cap to complete his uniform.

He walked out of his tent and walked over to where he was supposed to be; at the Judenrampe*. He watched the crowd of Jews disembark and spill onto the ramp as Klaus and Martin flanked him, ready to direct the people in the correct direction.

He raised his chin slightly, scanning his eyes over the underfed Jewish people. He could that a lot of this crowd was children.

How unfortunate for them.

Ludwig knew this would make him stronger. Colder. More unapproachable. He knew this would be better for him because Feliciano wouldn't sneak into his mind.

But somewhere, deep in his dismantled soul, he desperately wanted to see the Italian again.

~

Judenrampe - Jewish ramp (German)

~

To be continued...