Save Me

Chapter Fifteen

It was in that moment that I saw the realisation in his eyes, I saw the sanity flooding back in, and all his memories of me, hidden away or lost amidst his own psychosis. His brows furrowed, and that same anger filled him. His grasp on my collar shook violently, back and forth, and my heart raced, pounded, I could barely breathe.

"I told you I never wanted to see you again!" he screamed. "How dare you come back here!"

"Let go," I said. "You're scaring me."

"Oh, you can dish it out but you can't take it back, eh?" he snapped. "What's stopping me from throwing you right over this cliff? Poetic, wouldn't you think? The same place that you murdered Tom? And you dare to come back here, you fucking dare to speak his name? Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"I'm sorry, Darby," I said, panting.

"Oh, you're sorry, so that makes it all fine! You only killed someone, but you're sorry, so it's all okay. As long as you're fucking sorry! I don't care about your pathetic apologies. You make me feel sick."

His grip suddenly released, and he stepped back. I moved away from the edge quickly, and away from him too.

"What happened to you, Darby?" I asked, a sort of sadness or pity in my voice that he immediately picked up on.

"What the fuck do you think? You, Isaac. You happened to me."

"I just want to help you."

"Help?" he repeated. "You think I need help? With what, crossing the road? The day I need your help, I'll follow Tom straight over those cliffs."

"I'm sorry for what I did to you."

"If you say sorry one more time, I will seriously hurt you. Is that what you came here to say? You're sorry, you're better, you're what? I don't care, Isaac. Leave me alone. I'm fucking fine. I'm absolutely fantastic! Now piss off!"

"But-"

"Please," he said. "Nothing you can say to me is going to make up for what you've done. I'm not going to give you any forgiveness. I hate you."

"I don't want your forgiveness, Darby. I want to know that you're okay. That's the only reason why I'm here."

"So you're somehow capable of feelings now?" he asked. "It just didn't seem that way to Tom, did it?"

"I'm not here to talk about Tom," I said, gulping right after. "I'm here because I'm worried about you."

"You should be. You're to blame for everything! You're the reason that I-" He stopped speaking suddenly, to turn towards the sea and stare out, biting his fingernails, mumbling words I couldn't hear to people I couldn't see.

"Are you okay?" I dared to ask.

"Shut the fuck up!" he shouted. "I can't hear him!"

"Who?"

"Nobody you know. Just leave me alone, Isaac. Go away."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Why? I've told you I'm fine, you don't need to pretend to be worried about me," he said reassuringly.

"You clearly aren't okay, Darby, I don't want to leave you when you're like this."

"Like what?" He glared me down. "Crazy. That's what you want to say, isn't it? That I've gone mad. Bonkers. I'm off my fucking nut, aren't I? Maybe I should blame you for that."

"Me?"

"Yes, you!" he exclaimed. "I fucking fell in love with you! And it was all a big lie. Whatever. Done. Don't care. But I did something. Something I'm not proud of. Something awful, something terrible, something..." His eyes were glassy and lost in that moment, his hands clenched into fists. "Something you would do."

"What did you do, Darby?" I asked. "Tell me. I want to help."

"You think you can help?" he laughed. "I didn't think you were so stupid, so useless and pathetic, until now."

"Darby, what did you do?"

"I killed him," he whispered. "I'm just like you. I threw him right over the edge. I watched him fall, and I was smiling! Fucking smiling! I turned into you. I turned into just another Isaac."

"Who did you kill, Darby?"

"A boy. He was just like Tom, in some ways. Insecure and lonely. But it was an accident, it was, it was, it was! It was Tom, I thought, at first. I swear, I was seeing Tom. He was dead, I know, but I'm fucking insane! He wouldn't leave me alone, he wouldn't stop talking to me, and so I threw him, but I thought it was Tom, and it wasn't Tom, no it wasn't, it was Sawyer. And I smiled, I fucking smiled!"

He suddenly covered his mouth, his entire body shaking, and he looked so terrified, more terrified than I'd ever seen a person. His hair was all over the place, and he looked like he was on the verge of a mental breakdown. No, not even on the verge anymore, but right over the edge, drowning in it.

"I can't believe I just told you that, why did I tell you that? Leave me alone, Isaac, please, please, leave me alone," he cursed, turning his back to me.

"So you know how it feels," I said. "To kill someone. You carry that guilt, that secret. I'm not gonna lie and tell you it ever goes away. But I hope to become a better person. I'm trying, at least. I'm trying to grow up, to be someone better, to find some sort of peace in spite of what I've done. I think you can do the same, Darby."

He turned back around, and said softly, "You think so? You really believe that?"

"I do. I've just got to hope that I'm not the monster I used to be."

"You are a monster" he said flatly. "And so am I. Neither of us can ever be saved."

"But at least you aren't alone," I said.

"I am alone." He collapsed down onto his knees. "I'm nothing." He curled down on the floor and held himself shakily. He was crying, and mumbling, and I didn't know how to help him.

So I knelt down beside him, and put my arms around him, running them up and down his shoulders to warm him up. He fought me at first, but then he stopped, and wrapped his arms around me, crying, and crying, and crying.

A.N. Don't forget to vote and comment if you liked this chapter! Wow, Darby's a bit insane... but I think he can be saved, don't you? Maybe that's just what I'll do! Look out for the next update to find out! Xoxo, Clay.