Save Me

Chapter Fifteen

After everything that I did to him, I knew he wouldn't want to speak to me. He said as much, the last time I saw him, and I couldn't blame him. I strung him along, just like Tom. But what was worse, I lied to him for months. I let him in, and I let him fall in love with me, only to have it destroyed by the secret of Tom's death.

But I deserved it, I knew. Everything bad that has happened to me, I knew that I'd only brought it on myself. It was nothing I didn't deserve. But seeing Darby again, it forced me to remember how much I used to love him. It reminded me of a brief, long lost time where I let myself feel comfortable with being in love. I finally appreciated the memories of him, even if he couldn't, even if they were corrupted and soaked in tears by my lies. I just wanted to help him, I told myself, in any way that I could.

So I built up the courage to step out of the car, closing the door gently after me, and walk up to the top of those same fucking cliffs.

It was a quiet night, but it wasn't too cold, only slightly nippy. There was a wind coming out from the Channel, and it got stronger the higher up the grassy ascent I climbed. I tried to be as silent as possible, so he wouldn't notice me until I wanted him to. I made my way to the peak of the cliff, so close to him that my shadow ran over his back, and he noticed, stiffening, but refusing to turn around.

"Darby," I said quickly, my voice softer than I expected.

"Shhh!" he squawked. "I can nearly hear him."

"Who?" I asked.

"Nobody." He shook his head and rubbed at his eyes confusedly, his back still facing me. "I can't remember."

"Darby," I repeated. "Turn around."

"Who are you and what the fuck do you want?" His neck twisted, and I wanted to smile at the sight of his face. His lost and lonely eyes, drowning in chocolate brown, and his flawless face.

"Uh," I murmured, but I couldn't focus with his eyes on me. "It's Isaac."

"Isaac? I don't think so. The last Isaac I knew was a monster. Are you a monster, Isaac?" He turned to look back out to sea where he sat at the edge of the cliff, his legs dangling over.

"Not anymore," I whispered. He stayed silent. "Darby?" I asked again.

"Why do you keep calling me that?" he asked suddenly.

"That's your name, isn't it?"

"I hate it. I think you should go away. I'm never going to hear him if you're here," he sighed.

"Who are you waiting to hear from?"

"Just fuck off!" he said, his head shaking erratically. His hands ran through his browny-blond hair, sticking it up on all ends. He looked like he'd gone insane - I knew that look all too well. I found it staring back at me in every mirror, in every reflection. My own insanity glaring back at me from the cold stare of my eyes. I knew Darby was fucked up, but I hadn't guessed how badly.

"Are you waiting for Tom?" I asked gently.

"Don't say his name!" He shot up off the ground and grabbed me by the collar of my shirt suddenly, pulling me towards him roughly. He eyed me down, and pushed me to the edge of the cliff.

"Darby!" I shouted suddenly, feeling a hard flash of wind nearly send me over the edge. He held me there, and I grabbed onto his arms, his waist, anywhere I could grab. "Darby, get off me!"