Buzzkill (A Lesbian Story)

28: I Love Anxiety

  The anxiety of Max being gone had become unbearable. It set in as soon as Max closed that door behind her, following that Amelia girl out for a mission. The sun was setting as I sat by the window in our room. I tried to busy myself by roaming around the hotel, but I ended up back at our room. Exhaustion was setting in, but I couldn't allow myself to sleep without knowing if Max was okay or not. This whole fuck up with the satellites thing really sucked.

  Yet it's still a first world problem, I guess.

  There was a knock at the door and I briskly walked over before looking through the peephole. It wasn't Max. It was Chase. His body leaned against the doorframe heavily as he raised a beer bottle to his lips.

  Letting out a breath, I opened the door enough so he could see me. "Yes, Chase?"

  "Where's your girlfriend?" He slurred.

  That made me scoff. I didn't tell him otherwise, however. "She's out on a mission with the army men."

  Humming, he took another sip. "Ah yes. As is Andrew. They both like to believe that they're courageous enough."

  "Max is courageous." I spat at him, gripping the door. "She's more courageous than you'll ever be. How can you just lock yourself in your room and pity yourself for losing your brother? That's no way to grief in a time like this-"

  "What do you know about losing?" He exclaimed, his body coming off the door frame and his hand holding him up. He put his body in front of the crack of the door, so he was right in front of me. "You look so privileged. Before all of this, I bet you were a straight A student with a loving family and loving friends surrounding you. Didn't face any hardships in your life. Then this thing blows the damn world up and you think you know a thing or two about losing. You're just-"

  "You don't know shit about me!" I yelled at him, my hand gripping the doorknob so tight that my knuckles where white. "You don't know me now and you sure as hell did not know me before. My life wasn't perfect or privileged. Not in the way you think. So you can just shut the fuck up before I kick your drunk ass."

  As I tried to close the door, he stuck his foot in between the door and the frame. His hand pushed the door open slightly so I could see his face. His eyes were bloodshot and cold. It was almost like he completely just gave up.

  "You want to know what I first thought when I saw you guys?" Chase swayed slightly. "They're weak. Weak high-schoolers that won't last a week. I guess you've proven me wrong slightly. The whole getting us out of Wal-Mart thing. Wait that was Max. She was the one with the balls to outsmart the deadies. Not you."

  "You think I give a shit?" I laughed slightly at his attempt to belittle me. "You're just a sad little boy that's pitying himself. I would never believe a world you say."

  His eyes filled with anger as he shoved at my door. I pushed against it, trying to close it on him. He wildly pushed his hand through the crack, reaching for me. "Blake is dead because of you three! My brother! My brother!"

  Through the crack, I saw hands grab him by the shoulders and pull him away. As I opened the door, I saw Trish pushing him away and taking his beer bottle. She put a hand up and spoke calmly. "I think it's time for you to leave, pal."

  Chase looked at her then to me. With a sneer, he turned to stumble towards the stairwell. As he disappeared behind the door, my grip finally eased and I let out a huge breath. "Thank you." I told Trish, opening the door for her to come in. "I appreciate it."

  "Always happy to help." She sniffed the beer bottle, made a disgusted face, and poured it out in the sink before throwing it away. I closed the door and stood next to her as she looked around the room. "All of these rooms look the same. Only thing different is the art on the walls." Her eyes went to the duffel bags on the floor. Stuff that belonged to both Max and I littered the top of it and the floor around it. "People are talking about you guys. The new group that the army guys took a likin' to."

 I snorted, "The Avengers are only crazy about Max and Steve because they agree to go on crazy suicide missions."

  "And you let them go?"

 "I hardly had a choice in the matter." I slowly walked back to the window and watched the sun sink into the trees, leaving the sky a pinkish orange color like some kind of sorbet with clouds streaking the sky. "Once Max gets a plan in her head, it's hard to talk her out of it. I trust her instinct, however. She's more witty than she is reckless. I can't help but worry, however."

  Trish was at my side, "You love her."

  I whipped my head to face her, my eyes widening. "Am I honestly that see through?"

  That made Trish laugh at me as she sat down in a chair. "Well, the way you talk about her gives it away slightly. The tone of your voice makes her sound like she's the best thing on this Earth." She grinned at me, "And I think you believe that she is. It's adorable."

  "She is. No matter how much of a pain in the ass she is." My shoulder went up against the window. "And she's usually a pain in the ass."

  Trish nodded out the window, "Well, they should be back in a bit. I can't wait to meet her and the Quarterback."

  "They are double trouble, those two. The doofuses that I had to be the Mom friend to make sure they didn't evolve into complete hooligans." I chuckled slightly, "Good god, they were crazy back then."

  "Are they not still crazy?" She asked me.

  That question made me furrow my eyebrows a bit. Ever since we split apart those years ago. Sure, I still spent some time with Steve, but I never saw Max unless I absolutely had to. We had a class with each other last year, but she made sure to sit as far away from me as she could and at the very back. Max made sure to avoid me and I did the same for her because it just made me sad to think about everything that happened between us. I never really got to see their antics first hand. I would hear some events recollected by Steve, but it would have been better to share those memories, I guess. It made me think about Wal-mart when we were all holed up and eating microwaved meals. Steve and Max started talking about a antics and I felt left out then Steve tried to make me feel included by bringing up something him and I did together. I guess it's more my fault for not being around them much. Before this shitstorm, I would've blamed Max for me missing the moments, but now I understand that it was, indeed, my own fault since I just up and left.

  Maturing, am I right?

  "As crazy as ever." I answered her. "This shitty word puts a damper on things, but they're still themselves. And I am thankful for that."

  I heard a honk from outside and my eyes went to Trish in excitement. That had to be Max and the gang. I ran towards the door with her right behind me as we both went down the stairs to the lobby. As soon as we went out into the large lobby area, there were loud gunshots coming from outside and yells. I took my own pistol out of the holster and sprinted to the doors.