Tongue Tied

June 2018

"Scott?" I twisted and turned in the uncomfortable bed. "Scott, are you there?" I desperately needed to apologise before everything got out of control. "Scott, I'm sorry."

But I didn't get anything back, which meant I needed to get my eyes open, however hard it'd be. I really didn't want to wake up today, even more so than usual. There was a heaviness to my eyes and a painful ache in my brain, a whole building site inside my skull, hammering away hard.

As I finally pried my eyelashes apart they instantly snapped closed again. It was white, far too bright to see anything. How the hell could I get my vision back when this room was so intense and everything hurt?

Actually, everything did hurt. It was agony. More than just my head, my entire body. I felt like I'd been in the middle of a boxing ring and I hadn't come out of it well. I racked my brain for a few moments trying to see what I could remember, but there wasn't anything there. I sensed a giant gap where I knew there should be something, but I had no idea what.

Where was I last? What do I remember? How am I hurt?

Nothing came to light. I'd have to try waking up again so I could figure it out. I pushed my eyes apart and made them to stay open, even when hot achy tears filled them. I used every ounce of strength inside me to keep awake while I found out what'd happened...but in the end, I only found myself with more questions than answers.

The white wasn't just bright lights, it was also the colour of the room. A pure white I definitely didn't recognise, I could've been anywhere. Nerves darted throughout me, urging me to find out where this was more than ever. If I didn't...well I had no idea what could happen to me.

I tried to prop onto my elbows so I could have a look around, but instantly noticed that wasn't easy. My muscles were heavy, aching, like I'd been drugged to fix me in place.

What the...?

I rattled as the unbridled panic took hold. Not remembering was bad enough but being stuck made it a million times worse. My chest constricted, I couldn't breathe. My brain tumbled into a tailspin as terror swallowed me whole. It became abundantly clear I definitely wasn't good in a crisis. I parted my lips, just about ready to scream, but before I managed to get any noise out, a kindly-sounding voice stopped me in my tracks.

"Are you okay there, miss?"

I couldn't quite tell where the voice came from, so I twisted my neck as much as I could until I spotted the other presence in the room. I couldn't see a face, just what appeared to be nurse's scrubs.

I'm in a hospital? Logically it made sense, but I wasn't exactly in a rational place. Why? What happened?

"Erm, pardon?" I croaked back with a red raw throat.

"I asked if you were okay." She moved closer so I could see her a little better, and the concern plastering her wrinkled face spoke volumes. "How do you feel?"

"Where am I?" Unfortunately, there wasn't any force in my voice. "What's going on?"

"Oh dear." The nurse took a seat beside me and stared into my eyes with nothing but sympathy. I almost wanted to squirm under the look, but the pain prevented me from doing so. "Do you not remember anything?" I pursed my lips tightly together which made her continue. "You were in a car accident; do you remember that?"

All of a sudden, little flashes popped into my brain; me screaming and swearing at Scott, the anger burning through me, the lights, the smashing sound...

"I think I do remember. I was in a temper because I'd just had an argument with my boyfriend and..."

I trailed off as she frowned. I had no idea what I'd said wrong.