High Anxiety - Dear Evan Hansen

Hook, Line, and Sinker

He managed to stop his own panic attack, sitting there on the filthy, smoke-stained carpet. He buried his face in his hands and breathed for a while until his violent tremors faded to shivers, passing slowly over his bare shoulders like electricity. Thank fuck. I still couldn't force myself to walk up to him. His face was the same as ever, but there was a pile of slick, ocean-blue scales between me and that face I'd come to know so well.

I've never liked fish.

"Fine, Evan. Since when have you been a mermaid?" I forced my voice to be steady. Or tried to. It cracked on the crucial word. The thing that might've just ruined the only friendship I'd ever had. Mermaid.

"F-f-forever." He hiccuped.

"But you had legs."

"M-magic."

"Right. Makes as much sense as anything." My anger was tuning down to a soft orange glow. A little less distracting than the rolling red flames, but I wanted to be angry. I wanted to scream and punch something. I wanted to throw him to the nearest sushi place and forget about all of this. But I couldn't. If it was anyone else, maybe. But this was Evan, and tears were still dripping off his chin.

"I'm s-s-sorry."

"For lying to me about this? You should be. You aren't even a human. How do I know this isn't some weird witchy mind trick? How do I know that every fucking thing I've ever known about you wasn't a fucking lie?" I still couldn't shout. I didn't know if I wanted to anymore.

"I--" Evan made some kind of gasping, gurgling noise. He was choking on his words. My heart jumped into my throat for a minute. Was he dying? Could he still breathe air? I ignored it. What did I care if he drowned on land? He caught his breath after a second and the unbidden tension in my shoulders melted away.

"What are you doing here, anyway? Shouldn't you be living in a shipwreck or some shit?"

"I... Um... It's complicated." Tears were glistening in his eyes again.

"I'm not going anywhere." I snorted. It wasn't a laugh, not really. My lips curled, the only dusted smile gross and disdainful. I didn't try to fight it. "And it doesn't look like you are, either."

"...I had to." Evan was talking to the carpet, scraping his fingers against the side of his tail. "It's a rite of passage. Everyone has to."

"Everyone being?"

"All the m-m-merfolk. At least where I'm from. We all have to... Um... L-lure and--"

"Lure?" Evan flinched.

"You know what a siren is, right?"

"You came here to seduce me and kill me?" The laughter bubbled in my voice now. I couldn't stop it boiling over into hysteria and cackling. Evan stared at me with wide, wet eyes as I fell against the wall and slid to the floor. "What kind of sick fucking joke is this!?" I whispered once the snickers died down.

"N-n-not you specifically!" I snorted at that and felt my eyebrows drift towards my hairline.

"Right, so you've been hanging out with the school outcast for shits and giggles?"

"Connor!" Evan's voice was jumping and cracking. He dragged himself across the floor in earnest. I shifted further away from him. The tail was as heavy between us as a brick wall. Evan wasn't bothering to wipe away his tears anymore. "I've been hanging out with you because I like you!"

"Not exactly a man-eater's MO, is it?" I was probably crying now, too. I couldn't tell. My skin was buzzing with anger and excitement and some weird chill that reached through my teeth.