You can't leave me behind [BoyxBoy]

Chapter 32 ~ A much needed phone-call

"...But I named him Snowflake." He suddenly stated with a serious face.

I blinked once, twice... and then I burst out laughing.

I laughed so hard I got tears in my eyes and I had to clutch my stomach to keep it together. I laughed so much I fell over and started rolling on the ground like some sort of maniac. I could hear Lionel mutter something about 'my name was much better than yours' and that just made me laugh all the more.

I can't believe my brother named the 'big bad wolf' Snowflake! Hahaha it was just priceless! It also reminded me of the fact that I never asked Ethan if his wolf had a name of his own.

It reminded me of...

My laughter stopped immediately and a sharp pain hit my heart so hard I felt like I was suffocating.

Ethan...

What was I doing?

My sudden silence made Lionel glance over at me and when he saw my face he immediately got this 'overprotective big brother'-look on his face. He quickly finished wrapping the wolf's paw and then he slowly made his way over to where I was sitting on the floor staring at him with blurred sight.

"Matthew..." My brother started as he reached for me and that was all it took for my tears to start falling like someone just turned on the taps. Shit...

"It's nothing... I'm fine... I just..." I forced out, even my voice betraying the fact that I was crying. What the hell was I doing?

Lionel wrapped his arms around me and pushed my face into his shoulder like he always did when I was younger. I couldn't help it as I grabbed a hold of his white veterinarian- coat and cried against him like a little child. There were times I would never admit weakness but this was not one of those times. I was just too sad to care about how I looked.

After a few embarrassing moments I pulled out of his embrace and rubbed at my eyes to get rid of the tears. I suddenly felt like this was not how I should be acting. It was my fault that Ethan and I weren't together and I really didn't have the right to sit here and feel sorry for myself when it was my fault that I was in this position from the start. If I hadn't decided to be so insistent on leaving Ethan behind he wouldn't have had to feel so unsure about our relationship.

Because that was what it was... a relationship... and in a relationship wasn't the most important thing communication? If I had just been honest with Ethan maybe he would have let me go to that club with Ash and we wouldn't be in this situation now. I mean sure, Ethan could be overprotective and annoyingly possessive but... that's because he cared for me. That was his way of expressing his love for me and what had I ever done to deserve that kind of love from him?

Nothing... nothing at all.

While I was lost in my own depressing line of thought something soft suddenly touched my hand and before I could react I had a big fluffy wolf lying across my lap. I blinked down at Lazarus wolf and for a second I was too stunned to move. When the animal just huffed and nudged my hands with his cold nose I couldn't help the tears that welled up in my eyes again and I carefully reached out and softly petted the wolf's silky fur.

"Thank you..." I whispered, smiling slightly when Lazarus closed his eyes and rumbled a bit in response. I guess even bad guys can be good sometimes...

"Matt don't you think there's someone you should talk to about this? Someone more involved than us?" Lionel said after a while of just looking at me and the wolf sitting on the floor in silence. I raised my head and glanced at him, a bit embarrassed to look at him now when my breakdown had passed. 

My brother raised an eyebrow and then he reached into his front pocket and fished out his phone. He held it out towards me and I knew I couldn't avoid this any longer. I had made enough mistakes and letting Ethan worry more about me was not going to cut it any longer. It would just get harder and harder to talk about this and we needed to sort things out as adults would because no matter how childish I acted it was a fact that I wasn't a child anymore.

"It's the right thing to do if you want to fix things between you guys." Lionel said and I slowly took the phone from his hand and stared at the screen for a second.

"I know..." I said, sighing as I began to tap in the correct number. Well... if there was a God out there I hoped he had nothing to do at the moment so he could focus on helping me to fix things between Ethan and I. I could need some help with all this after all...

Beep... beep...

"Who's this?" Ethan's sharp voice said on the other end of the line. I closed my eyes and sent a quick prayer to whoever was listening that he would hear me out this time.

"... E-ethan... it's me..." I whispered, my voice trembling when I realized that the last time I spoke with him he was both angry and disappointed. He wouldn't even look at me that time in the bathroom and I remembered how terrible his rejection had felt. What if he didn't want to listen to me now? What if he just... hung up.

My eyes teared up again and I had to bite my lip to prevent the sobs from leaving my lips. Oh jeez I was turning into a crybaby...

"Matthew...? Where are you? Is that really you?" Ethan called through the phone and I nodded to myself as I listened to the familiar sound of his voice. I was doing the right thing, I knew I was.

"I'm at my brother's clinic... but I... listen Ethan I'm sorry, okay... I'm so very sorry and I..." I said, my apology getting cut off even before I could properly get it out.

"Stay there, okay? You stay right there!" Ethan interrupted, his voice suddenly frantic.

I swallowed my words of apology immediately but before I could get anything else out there was a prompt 'click' on the other end and then the line went dead.

He hung up.

I lowered the phone from my ear and stared at it in surprise. What just happened?

"Let's wait in the kitchen shall we?" Lionel suddenly said, his voice holding a slight hint of amusement which told me he had heard everything that were said between Ethan and I. I raised my gaze to stare at him and then I quickly shot to my feet.

"Shit... shit... shit! He's coming here?! I... what the hell am I to say?! Wait... how am I supposed to explain him?!" I yelled, pointing at the wolf still sitting on the floor where I had been two seconds ago.

Shit! My mate was on his way here and I had just been sitting on the floor cuddling with the enemy...?!

"I'm borrowing your shower Lionel!!" I exclaimed, already sprinting towards the door as if there was fire at my heels.

I could just imagine Ethan coming here, seeing Lazarus and then smelling his scent all over me. Oh God... if that happened then a simple apology was not going to be enough by a looong shot...