PHOBI410: Good evening :) its phoebe. im here, once again to rant. i hope this isnt annoying, i just dont have anyone to talk to about most of these things. you never really talk, but thats okay i dont mind i just sometime wonder if you are even there. im pretty upset about my life. well most of it. the past hurts and the past reveals so much good. remember pete? well we ended up best friends for a long time, well i guess its considered a long time since i never really had friends until then. well technically rachel is my best chick friend but pete was my best friend. we were this way for about 4 months or so. probally more than that because we were just friends before that for a while. rachel took me to my first show and pete was there, i went to the movies with a bunch of friends and pete was there, and pete was at all of my dance practices. oh yeah i was on the dance team. one day, the following winter pete took me down to the basement of the school which was really cool because the lockers were all painted like comic book, and novel characters and scences from movies or trippy madness. by this time i had a lot of friends. mostly guys because chicks cause alot of drama and i cant deal with that, i have chick friends but most were gay or were just really cool. i still had strict morals at the time still. i wouldn't let my guy friends touch me, like no hugging and no flirting. i told them this and they laughed i told them that i didnt want to loook slutty. a new word i learned from my guitar shredding friend paul. and i said that God would be disappointed with me and that my dad would get made. dan said to me "well whos going to see?" and i said God i was so fidgety and i twisted my sweater with every increasingly embarrassing second they gawked. everyone laughed at me. and i was soo sad. i felt sad because they didnt understand how much God meant to me. and i started to cry because i thought i was going to lose friends and then pete touched my shoulder and i shivered because his hand was so warm and i could feel that he was on my side with this. he spoke up "HEY!" everyone hushed in the cafeteria at our table. i look up to see pete redder than a lobster and angerier that a frustrated nerd that doesnt get calculus. everyone looked and my guardian, though he was thin he was the leader and i was the leaders best friend. i liked that and that made me happy. "What the hell is wrong with you! you see this is who she is. why are you making fun of her? get your act together guys. you see shes cryin..." he looks at me and i look at him and wiped my face. he looks at me stern but with kindness, kinda like a king, and motioned me to finishe what i had to say. "Well.... i just wanted to make the point of saying thati love God. and that i dont want to be like those other girls in school. thats why i said it..." i looked away. i remember feeling that way when id try to tell my dad or mum about how i feel about something... they always said i was wrong and shut me down. i love my parents but at times the hurt me. i was standing there waiting for them to snicker at me or turn away and continue eating. but then paul stood up and put his hand on my head and smirked at me. "Im sorry ,alright, phoebe? i didnt mean to make you cry." then hunter looked at me from his seat "Yo... we hear what your sayin', and im sure we all didnt mean for it to go this far. were sorry k?" i managed a smile and hunter replied with a thumbs up and a cheese toothpaste model smile. this made me laugh and in turn so did everyone else. that day was important because i learn an important note of friendship. friends suck but they always find a way to make up for it. that day was the day that pete took me down in the basement. we stopped in front of a painting of a several tall crayons that were all labeled with song lyrics and names of people. curly j the hippie told me that each colour represented a feeling or emotion but one color can mean two things. then he explained to me that red is love or angst, orange means happiness or caution, yellow is serinity or betrayal, green mean growth/prosperity or envy/jealousy, blue means calming/special or sadness or waste, purple is pride/passion or arrogance/dishonestly. "Close your eyes." pete told me. i did. and smiled nervously :) i then heard something go pop! and he grabbed my hand. my first reaction was to jerk away, but he held on tightly "Trust me, phoebe, please." i loosened up still unsure. he placed a marker in my hand and directed my hand against a wall. there were wirls and loops straight and squiggle lines and dots. i felt like i was painting some beautiful picture. and it was with someone i loved, i was overwelmingly happy and smiled because i felt like it. pete laughed quietly evernow and then let go of my hand. he took the marker and replaced the cap. and turned me and whispered "open your eyes" i opened my eyes and over the ready crayon he wrote "phoebe, to be with you is all i ask because i love you and wish for nothing more than to be in your thoughts of love. (signed) peter giovinelli" i turned to him and smiled and then cried and smiled and cried and laughed. i was in love and wasnt unrequited. and i said i loved him because i felt like it and ignored the way i was taught and threw away the rule book because i found the one i knew id be with forever. thanks for listening 1derl& i hope to hear your story one day. your a good friend. good night <3 <logged off>
1derL&613: Friend :)... <logged off>
