Virago | 2018 Wattys Shortlist

two

"O Yahweh," Mordecai uttered as he closed the front door and began his trek to Rebekkah's, "heal her heart."

There was a quote that Mordecai had read a few years back, something about the how same boiled water that hardened the egg softened the potato. In their situation, Hadassah was definitely the egg and he was the potato.

They'd suffered a terrible trauma, one that had left them both orphaned more than a decade ago. And while the death of his parents brought him closer to the God of his family -- the death of Hadassah's parents had hardened her heart against Yahweh.

The prayers Mordecai had uttered for her were endless, prayers for Yahweh to heal her broken heart, prayers for Him to open her eyes. So far, the prayers hadn't manifested as Hadassah still carried the pain from the trauma in her spirit. She couldn't even bear to hear Yahweh's name. Nevertheless, Mordecai continued to pray for her, trusting that Yahweh would fulfil His promises and restore his little cousin to her former glory -- before her joy had been stolen.

He never tried to force her to do anything that she didn't want to, but he always tried to keep an open dialogue about G-d and about their celebrations. He invited Hadassah to join him at the synagogue, invited her for Shabbat dinners at Rebekkah's too from time to time. Hadassah never accepted his offers but he was a tenacious man -- and he would keep on trying until he saw a breakthrough.

One day, Hadassah would come to love The Lord, and she would worship His Majesty -- Mordecai was sure of it. He just had to never lose hope.

After Mordecai had left, Esther hadn't had the heart to continue pretending like she was a superstar anymore.

The weight of her problems came to rest at the forefront of her mind once more. She'd defeatedly slinked away to the kitchen and began preparing her dinner for one.

While she scooped mouthfuls of brown rice into her mouth in front of the TV, she bitterly that G-d-- wherever He was -- was the biggest headass that had ever existed. She didn't know how Mordecai was able to worship Him with such earnestly after all He had taken from them. She didn't know how anyone would want to spend their lives worshipping a god who continued to take, take, take, afflict, afflict, afflict and afflict.

She wanted nothing to do with him. She didn't want to celebrate any Shabbat, Hanukkah, Passover, or Yom Kippur. She didn't even want to be alive on any day that was ordained by Him. Every time Mordecai uttered His name, something inside of her shattered. Every time she thought about Him, her skin crawled with dread.

But if there was one thing Yahweh had taught her firsthand, was to abandon those who abandoned her -- and forsake those who forsook her first. Yahweh was the first to do both. He had arrived like a wind in the night and had snubbed the light out of those she had loved the most without an ounce of remorse.

That night, she saw her mother in her dreams. It felt like her spirit had slipped in through the cracks of her broken heart and for a while, had held the fragments of her heart together with her warm cocoa bean coloured hands.

Her mother's smile rivalled the sun. She was smiling and the whole world lit up because of it. Esther could feel the warmth of her lips on her cheek, the feel of her arms around her. She could hear her voice -- which sounded like sweet little bells -- the sound of redemption ringing in her ears like a hymn.

The dream was so vivid and even in her sleep, Esther cried. In her dreams -- they were happy tears but in real life, they were tears of sorrow because even her subconscious could never indulge in a world where Adabelle Sarfati was still alive and well.