Not Worth It

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Warnings: Angst, angst, and more angst. Gore and blood.

~Minho POV~

     It was a few years ago Newt and I met. We had met because we were both in a shucking huge death maze that no one could get out of. Our situation was pretty shucking bad, it seemed like someone else was dying every day, a lot of them people we didn't know, but others our best friends. Every time we lost one of the galders our thoughts would get a little bit darker, our moods a little bit angrier. Every one gets one edge, as we wonder who will be taken by this piece of klunk maze. But we still all hide our other emotions with anger, and fights break out often. Except Newt, he doesn't fight, unless its to stop one. He seemed to be the most level-headed, besides Alby.
     I guess I should have seen it coming. I should have known that the mental stress would break some of us, but I didn't think it would break Newt. He is my best friend, how could I have not seen how he actually felt?
     But, never the less, I found him, lying broken and bloody curled at the base of one of the huge stone maze walls. Gurgled sobs of pain and sorrow wracked his body. He was holding the mangled remains of his foot and sobbing indecernable words. I rushed to his side, my heart practically beating out my chest as I frantically cried out his name. He blinked slowly at me through his tears. "Minho, I-I," he tried to say, but he screamed out in pain again.
     "Come on, come on," We gotta go! It alright Newt, come on, we have to go!" I tried to convince him to help me lift him up, but he feebly resisted.
     "No, please, just leave me. I-I can't. I'm not worth it." His bottom lip quivered, and his hands shook as gasps and sobs tore out of his throat.
     I gently took his blood spattered face in my hands and stared unyielding into his eyes. "If you won't stay alive for you, then stay alive for me, please." He was listening to me now, clinging onto every word. "I need you. Live for me, please."
     "For, you," he breathed out. He looked into my eyes for a second longer, then nodded. I sighed with relief. He gulped, anticipating the pain, as I wound my arm around his waist.
     "Ready, 1, 2, 3," I hauled him up off the ground and he gripped onto my shoulder, wailing in agony. I paused for a minute until he nodded, and we started slowly walking, well more like I dragged him while he tried not to pass out. Every time we moved he cried out, my heart breaking with each painful scream.
     Dragging him across the cold stone ground, leaving a trail of Newt's blood behind us, that was the worst shucking moment of my life. Even though it was selfish, I couldn't help thinking it was my fault. I won't deny I was crying too. Hell, he's my best friend, I love him.
     When we finally made it back to the glade, the feeling of anxiety didn't leave me. As the med jacks hauled him onto the stretcher, Newt's hand, slick with blood, came up to catch my wrist.
     "Stay, with me," he pleaded between gasps.
     "Always," I responded tears flowing freely down my face and dripping onto his arm, mixing with his own blood. He was barely keeping his eyes open and his arm fell limply to the stretcher. As the med jacks carried him away, everybody moved out of their path. I went after him, but a strong hand gripped my shoulder to stop me.
     "Don't, give them room to work," Alby said, not letting go of my arm. "You need to drink some water and sit down."
     I ripped myself out of his grasp and turned to him, fire burning in my eyes. I didn't have to say anything for him to know that I wasn't doing any such thing. I turned away in rage and jogged off to the med jack hut. I didn't go into his room. Alby was right about one thing, they needed space to work. I sat outside the door, listening to Jeff and Clint ordering other people around for supplies. I just then realized how badly I was shaking, and how my breath caught in my throat every time I tried to breath in. I curled my shirt in my hand, leaned my head back against the wall, and closed my eyes. I tried focusing on just breathing, which was hard as I was also crying. Eventually I started dragging in shaky breaths. Even though tears still dripped out of my eyes, I wasn't sobbing. I just sat there praying that Newt would live. I new I loved him, but I didn't know exactly how much, until I almost lost him. I sat there for what seemed like hours, scraping Newt's dried dark-red blood off of my hands and out from under my nails, wishing I'd been there for him. Eventually Jeff came out of the room, and I stood up from the ground, hurriedly wiping my tears.
     "He'll live," Jeff said in a gentle voice. I set out a relieved breath and covered my face with my hands.
     "Can I see him? Is he awake? When will he get better?" I flooded Jeff with questions. He held up a hand to stop me.
     "He's not awake, but you can see him." I tried to get past him, by he stopped me. "Before you go in there just know he doesn't look good, and he might never use his leg again." He looked down when he said this. I gulped, and nodded. He stepped out of the way and I stepped in the room. I gasped when I saw him. His face was deathly pale, and he had purple and yellow bruising on his jaw.  There were dark circles around his eyes, but all the dried blood was gone. His lower half was covered in a gray blanket and he was wearing a clean light blue shirt. His chest rose and fell with every soft breath, and you could see the outline of his ribcage through the fabric. A few more hot tears slid out of my eyes as I took in his disheveled state. I pulled up a chair next to his bed and sat down, taking his hand in both of mine. My elbows rested on the cot, and I brought our hands up to rest my forehead on.
     I don't remember falling asleep, but I must have, because I woke up with my face buried in the mattress, thin fingers running slowly through my hair. I shifted my head a little then remembered where I was.
     "Newt! Your awake," I said, launching myself at him, but still being careful to not hurt him. I buried my face in his neck and squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to cry. This wasn't about me, it was about him. It was no use, I started sobbing like a child as we clung to each other. Newt was crying too. Eventually I pulled back, wiping my face.
     "Don't ever think you can't trust me or confide in me, okay?" I said, running my thumb across his cheek. "I love you so much, and could shucking stand it if you were gone."
     He nodded and leaned his face into my palm.
     "I'm sorry, I just- I just," he managed to say before stopping.
     "It's okay. Sshhh. I'm here. I've got you." I reassured him. We spent a long time just looking at each other, until I eventually crawled into bed next to him, on the opposite side of his broken leg. I wrapped my arm around his torso, and looked up at him. "Newt?"
     He had his eyes closed, and he opened them to look at me. "Yah?" He said questioningly.
     "I- I love you." I said with as much courage as I could muster, which wasn't a lot. I tentatively moved my face towards him, my nose brushing against his. I kissed him. It was long, and sweet. I tried convey all of the love I felt for him through the kiss, as my hand came up to tangle in his hair. His hand was on the back of my neck, pulling me closer. We broke apart, out of breath. I smiled and stared at him, silently asking him if he felt like I did. He gave me a small nod and I laid back down on the mattress with my arm protectively around him.
     "I love you too," Newt whispered. I smiled before closing my eyes as both of us fell asleep.

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