I'm Smiling At Everything - TO BE UPDATED NOV 13TH

I'm Smiling At Everything - Chapter Seven

Chapter 7

Jack’s P.O.V

I stared down at the braces that were keeping my legs from falling out from underneath me. Just looking at them made me feel weak. My whole life had become solely about trying to walk three steps without falling over. I gripped the wooden poles either side of me so tightly that my knuckles turned white and tried to force my legs to take a step, but nothing happened. I could feel my muscles straining and watched as the only result of all my effort was a twitch of my foot. I grunted and took a deep breath in before trying again. This time my leg moved further, sliding across the floor in front of me. I breathed heavily as my other foot followed it. This was more progress then I had made before

Cass let out a squeal and clapped her hands as I took another tenuous step, then another, then another. I felt a grin spread across my face, the first in a long while, as my useless body finally made my legs move beneath me. I felt a sudden burst of confidence and slowly let go of the wooden handrails as I took step after step.

But then it was all over.

I hit the ground hard with my shoulder, my arms and legs flailing out behind me. I felt people rush to my aid, helping me sit up. The doctors kept repeating that I was making progress and that I shouldn’t be expecting too much just yet, but nothing stopped the feeling of utter helplessness that filled me as soon as I fell to the floor. The doctor had only said two weeks ago that I was fine, that nothing was wrong with my legs. Obviously, everything was wrong with them.

Cass helped me into my wheelchair and pushed me out of the therapy room into the doctor’s office. I was so over hospitals. The poking and prodding was becoming infuriating, and the soothing words of the nurses were nothing but lies. I knew the truth. I may never be able to walk again. Cass sat down beside me and put her hand over mine, but I pulled it away. I didn’t need her comforting coos right now. All I wanted was some sleep.

“You’ve made good progress, Jack. You shouldn’t doubt yourself. It will take a while for your legs to be fully retrained.”

I stopped listening after that. The doctors office became a blur, Cass’s hand on my shoulder nothing but a distant feeling. My thoughts drifted to the girl. I couldn’t get those green, accusing eyes out of my head. Why had she looked at me like that? Why had she said I was her boyfriend? I had so many questions I wanted to ask her, but whenever I mentioned her to Cass, she’d give me a look that said she’d push my wheelchair down a hill into oncoming traffic if I mention it again.

I wondered where she had gone, and at the same time longed to see her again. I thought back to the day I had first woken from my coma. The way she had thrown herself at me, told me she loved me. I will never forget how her face had fallen and the tears slid down her cheeks when I told her I didn’t know her; the way her screams had filled the hallway as a man I didn’t recognize dragged her away. What I would give to just know her name.

Cass pushed my wheelchair through the corridors of the hospital. Deep down, I hoped I would see her here. The last time I’d seen her, she was sitting beside the man, rubbing her stomach and crying. She was pregnant. What was she doing now? It was dark by the time we got back to Cass’s house. She made a fuss of cooking me a nice dinner, but I wasn’t hungry. I couldn’t bring myself to eat. We both sat on the sofa but whatever movie she had on was nothing but a series of images to me. Every attempt she made to be close to me made me sick to the stomach. How could I trust what she had said? Surely a relationship was something worth remembering. I wanted to go home. There had to be answers for the millions of questions I had buzzing around in my head there. I opened my mouth to ask Cass to take me, but closed when I realized she’d fallen asleep with her head on my shoulder. Making a mental note to ask her in the morning, I felt myself drifting to sleep.

I woke up in a cold sweat and panting heavily. I tried to push myself up, but my arms flailed beneath me. I opened my eyes but it was too dark for me to see anything so I closed them again. I felt around with my hands, trying to grasp my bearings. I felt a hand on my arm.

“It’s okay, Jack, it’s okay. I’m here.”

It was Cass.

I breathed heavily as she helped me sit up on the sofa. My heart was beating so fast I could feel its rhythmic thumps in my throat. My head was filled with images and sounds that made me cringe even after I’d woken up. The crack of rock, the girl from the hospital; The water and rocks rising up to meet me. I realized that my face was wet with tears, and I felt myself wrap my arms around Cass and continue to sob into her shoulder.

“Were you dreaming?” She asked softly, running a hand through my hair.

I nodded against her neck. I concentrated on slowing my breathing as she gently rubbed my back. Her soft breaths tickled my ear as I wrapped my arms tighter around her.

“Its okay. You’ve been through so much, it’ll take a while for you to get used to everything that has happened.”

Cass was right. All that had happened in the last few months was beginning to take its toll on me physically and emotionally. I had so many unanswered questions pressing into my mind that I was finding it hard to sleep. When I did, I dreamt about the same thing over and over again; the girl from the hospital falling from a cliff and the rocks and water at the bottom getting closer as I followed her down. I didn’t know what it meant. I didn’t know if all the trauma I had suffered had messed with my head somehow, but I didn’t want to bring it up. I wasn’t game enough to ask what this all meant, but I knew if I was ever going to find out, I would need to talk to that girl.

Cass’ P.O.V

I watched as Jack struggled to take steps as he gripped tightly to the wooden bars either side of him. I could see the pain on his face as his leg failed to do what he wanted them to. The doctors had said after last week’s session that he might not be able to improve any further from the few shaky steps he could take at a time. I hadn’t told him that though. He had waning hope as it was; I didn’t want to make things worse for him.

He grunted as he forced his legs to move another step. I knew he’d been finding it hard to sleep, and even when he did, I knew his sleep was plagued with nightmares. Of what, he would never say. But I took every moment of his vulnerability as a chance to get closer to him. I knew he wanted to ask me questions about Valarie, but I avoided the topic as soon as it came up. He needed to forget her.

After his session with the physiotherapist, we picked up take out Chinese on our way home. After spreading it across the coffee table in my living room I helped jack out of his wheelchair and onto the sofa. The look on his face told me he wanted to ask me something, and I knew it would be a question I didn’t want to answer.

“What happened to me?” Jack asked, after a few moments hesitation.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, Cass. How did I end up in hospital?”

Now it was my turn to hesitate. What do I tell him to avoid further questioning? The best lie is a version of the truth.

“We were at our friends wedding. Remember that girl from the hospital? Her name is Valarie. She was there too. After the ceremony she went to the edge of a cliff and threatened to, she threatened to jump. So you went up to calm her and well, she jumped anyway.”

“Then what?” His eyes were wide.

“She grabbed your shirt and pulled you down with her…”