The Untold Story of a Babysitter

27- When You Just Don't Know

Since, there is a national holiday on Monday, Allegra and Elena have no school. That means I get to spend my Sunday evening babysitting, but I can't seem to remain in the moment. I've run the speech through my head over a billion times but still as the time approaches to finally give it, I find my stomach doing backflips. You'd have thought it be easy to talk to Allegra and Elena but not with the gigantic bomb I'm holding. It was hard enough to tell my own brother, who did shed a few tears, but now I have to tell two young girls who I've grown to considered my sisters. This honestly stinks.

We've spent most of the night watching movies, specifically High School Musical movies. This time consuming activity allows me to space out and think of exactly how to present my leaving to these girls. The final pool scene of High School Musical 2 ends and the credits begin to roll. Allegra stops the DVD and looks toward me.  

"Kai, what's wrong?"

Snapping me from my blank stare into the air, I look to her. Allegra's long, dirty blonde hair is placed in a lazy bun atop her head. Her hazel eyes glisten in concern.

"What do you mean?"

"We just got finished watching two High School Musical movies and you only sung along to one song. You usually sing all of them--badly, but still."

Inhaling through my nose, I close my eyes bracing myself to finally come to terms with my leaving. Now, is as good a time as ever. "You know, over the course of these months I've gotten to know how great you two are. Allegra you're witty and mature for your age and Elena, you're sweet and competitive. I've grown to love all your qualities more and more everyday. You both are like sisters, and it makes this so much harder to say."

I pause taking in their faces. Allegra's eyes bore into my own, watching, waiting to see if I might give her any hints as to what I'm about to say. Elena scrunches her forehead as she tries to figure out what I mean. My chest tightens as I look into the faces of these gorgeous girls I've come to consider my family.

"I'm leaving in two weeks," I state.

"But you're going to come back, right?" asks Elena, her tiny voice quaking with hope, her brown eyes glossy.

"Elena," I say slowly trying to withhold all the emotions building up inside of me, "I'm moving to New York. I'll be living there. Of course I'm going to try and visit but I won't be your babysitter."

The well of water building within her large brown eyes overflows causing tears to roll down her cheek. I rub my thumbs across her cheeks, wiping away the tears that simply get replaced with more. "Please don't cry," I plead, bringing her into my chest. My pleading does nothing except cause her to shake in sobs.

"Don't go Kai," she begs in between sobs. "I don't want you to go."

Stroking her hair, I attempt to soothe her. "I know. I don't want to go either, but I have to."

Her head moves back and forth against my chest. "No you don't."

I nod and move her head away from my chest so I can look her in the eye, my hands cup her face. "Remember what I told you about being a big girl?"

Elena nods slowly, her sobs slowly beginning to cease.

"I'm a big girl but guess what? I'm becoming an adult and becoming an adult means doing stuff you don't want to do but you know is for the best." I pause, staring into her eyes trying to give her strength and calmness in my gaze. "While I become an adult, I want you to become a big girl and that means being strong and independent."

She nods once more, this time in understanding. As she lays her head back into my chest, that's when I realize that Allegra has still not said a word. I watch her as she stares at the frozen scene of credits on the television. I can see the tears run down her face but she remains silent and stoic--unmoving.