Preordained #ProjectNigeria

46- The Message

Mama, I still love cold showers, I think sadly.

Two arms sneak around my torso and wrap themselves around my rib cage. I feel bare skin on mine, soft and warm.

"What-?"

"Shower's big enough for two, and this will save time."

To say that I'm surprised is an understatement.

Nwanyieze stands before me, wearing only a light blue plastic shower cap, droplets of water, and a soft smile on her face.

"Don't just stand there," she chides. "Won't you lather me?"

I sputter, reflexively suck in a huge breath, and choke on water instead. She laughs and shakes her head. "Maybe I'm spoiling you."

"I'm the one who's probably spoiling you," I reply, covering the little distance between us. It feels so delicious, being in this little space with her.

We spend almost half an hour right there, content to lather each other's bodies while laughing about Instagram Odunlade Adekola memes.

"Water tastes better on your skin," I tell her before sucking a few droplets off her shoulder. The idea of shower sex goes through my mind, and I feel myself harden. I curse myself for making such a move... I didn't want to think of anything sexual but first of all, there is a naked girl in the shower with me, a girl I need so badly in every way possible- physically, mentally, emotionally.

"I know, right? It tastes like champagne when it's on yours," Nwanyieze replies before retaliating, using the tip of her tongue to collect a few droplets from my chest, her eyes holding mine.

I find myself choking on water for the second time. Surely, she must know what she does to me. Backing her up against the wall, bodies pressing against each other, she lets me kiss her slowly, my hands kneading her skin. When my tongue enters her mouth, I feel her shiver and hear her moan. Finger nails dig into my back, and somehow, the slight pain brings its own sort of pleasure.

Don't lose it. Keep calm.

But it is difficult. I can't do anything unless she wants to; I'm walking on thin ice here. I don't want to coax her into my bed. I want Nwanyieze to come willingly, I want her to need me as much as I need her. I'm aware of how her body reacts to mine, but isn't it complicated, that somehow, it feels like her mind isn't fully connected to mine? This is something entirely new to her, as she had told me earlier. And with what happened to her years ago...

We stare at each other after the kiss. The little depressions her nails had left on my back sting under the stream of water. Her lips are pinker, a bit swollen and still enticing. Her shower cap has slid off, lying close to the drain and leaving her hair wet. My erection stands right there between us, stubbornly pointing towards her.

"Lunch," is all I say before stepping out from the shower and leaving the bathroom, my thoughts scattered.

She comes into the room after I'm fully dressed, clutching her big blue towel to herself. One look at her eyes and I know that something is not alright with her. I see fear and guilt.

"Maduka, I'm sorry."

"Why?" I drop my paperback, Chimamanda Adichie's Americanah. My brain is now working normally, all my body parts are behaving properly.

"I...I let you- I mean, I got you all excited and I couldn't do anything. It was like- it was like-"

She looks so utterly confused, refusing to meet my eyes and stumbling over her words.

"I am not entitled to having sex with you."

She blinks at me now, still confused. I get up from the bed, walk up to her, and take her hand. Brows drawn together, Nwayieze tries her best to look at my face. There are tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. I can tell that the experience in the bathroom must have been much for her.

"I told you, we could go at whatever pace you want. As much as I'd love to make love to you, I won't ever do anything without your permission."

"How...how can you be this way?"

I laugh. "I'm trying to be an understanding man. You do things to my body and my mind, sometimes all I can think of is undressing you- different speeds, of course, depending on the mood- and making love to you. I want it so badly, but first of all, I need you. And I mean all of you."

"But you have all of me already."

"Not quite," I reply.

"What do you mean, not quite?"

"You should be asking yourself that."

I kiss her lips lightly, tell her to get dressed, and leave the house.

Nwanyieze's POV~

He knows I'm keeping something from him.

I'm trying so hard to stop the thoughts of being in the shower with him. Jolts of excitement still go through me, the memory of his tongue in my mouth makes my legs turn to jelly and I sit on the bed, still wrapped in my towel.

Sex, something I had been introduced to as a teenager and collected money for, something that I'm quite good at with men, had almost occurred between me and Maduka. You'd think I'd have known what to do in the bathroom.

But I had withdrawn, and he had sensed it.

How? How can he notice the slightest change, something invisible?

His words ring in my ears. I am not entitled to having sex with you... I want it so badly, but first of all, I need you. And I mean all of you.

I know what he means. Even without knowing what it is, Maduka is asking for my secrets, the knowledge of my deepest, darkest fears. He wants to know what it is that I'm hiding, guarding.

And Saheed knows.

Saheed Bello crosses my mind and I wonder if he has finally forgotten me. Somehow, I sense that he is still there in the darkness, waiting for the right time.

The right time for what, really? Abducting me? Blackmailing me?

Saheed has shown me that rejection isn't something he accepts so easily. His absence makes me feel uncomfortable, because he had said that I would come crawling to him.

I take a deep breath, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. Here I am, a prostitute, falling deeper in love with a man that I'm scared to love because I know that the powers that be will work against our happiness- my happiness.

And I can't leave, not only because this man won't easily give up on me, but because it feels so good to be love him and be loved, and I don't want to think of what will happen if he ever finds out the truth about me.

The bed vibrates, jarring me out of my thoughts. Looking under one of the pillows, I locate Maduka's cell phone. It's Tasha, calling him. I can't answer it, but I'm unable to ignore the slight annoyance that Tasha, this girl I've never met, is still contacting Maduka.

I'll dress up quickly and find him.

The call ends, and while I'm putting on my long, floral dress, the phone vibrates again. Thinking it is another call, I pick it up and nearly drop it.

It's a message from Tasha: Mads, I'm pregnant.

A/N: I have always preferred the notion that sex is different, depending on whoever you do it with and your level of connection to this person. Sure, your bodies might want it- afterall, we are human. We feel hunger, thirst, sexual urges. But the level of connection between minds; some people fail to tune into that frequency and hence see sex as something that satisfies only the body. Sex satisfies the mind and soul as well, but there has to be some sort of connection involved.

That's my two cents oh. Do you, it's not my consign but practice safe sex shaa!