the suicide project

three

I went to Ivy's funeral today.

They had her cremated, but before they did they put her in a casket just so everyone could have some of their last words with her. I've never seen so many tears since my parents wedding. Everyone was dressed in the shade of depression and the color of death. The music they played was very contradiction as well. 

It was the song "I'm Coming Home" 

The only reason they played it was that it was her favorite song. She used to sing it in the library when she was reading a book, or typing up a paper for class. I remeber her talking to me about the song and gave me a earbud to listen to with her. The lyrics were so peaceful and felt right.

It just didn't feel right in a lifeless room.

I briefly talked to her mom, Mrs. Winston, she had her chesnut brown curls closed in a tight updo bun showing her broad jawline and full pink lips. Everytime I look at her I see Ivy, it breaks me a little inside to see what she's going through. Even though her daughter just died, she still had this big grin on her face everytime she watches someone walk towards her. Maybe she wants to hide how much she's dying inside.

I guess I'll go with that.

I also saw Karla there, or I think I did. She wore all black with something covering her face as well, and her hair was down. I have never seen her hair down. Her hair had a tint color of red, but was all brown. The same color as Ivy's. I guess Ivy's death hit me hard, every girl I see, I somehow connect her to Ivy. If she wore an outfit Ivy wore one day, I would just stop what I'm doing and stare. 

I wore stare at them for so long, until they noticed I was looking at them, then I would cowardly look away. Like nothing had happened.

Do you get that feeling when you think someone is staring at you? I do, more than ever. I only get that feeling when Karla walks past me, or anywhere near me.

There's something about that girl.

I just can't put my finger on it.