At 3AM

. . . Dying

3AM is a bad time for anything really. But, it is a very bad time for dying. And I do not mean in the physical sense that you are bleeding out. I mean it in the mental sense that your brain is sick and no one believes it.

If you were to ask Lilly if this was true she would say, "sadly yes."
And it's sad because when no one believes you it's one thing, but when no believes you at 3AM it's different. It will turn you into a puddle of tears—at first. After that, it will turn you into a red, hot, ball of anger. But not always in that order.

At 3AM Lilly's body is shaking with tears. She can hardly breath, her cheeks are stained with sadness, and her blankets feel like they're about to strangle her. And sometimes at 3AM she wishes they would.
Her sadness at 3AM sometimes takes place in the form of anger. But the wrong kind of anger—the kind of anger where it's directed at yourself. You want to punch, and scream, and yell for help. But your voice has already been taken by the sadness earlier.

And after the anger, is what Lilly hates the most. The silence. Because some nights you can't take another second of not telling someone how you're feeling. And others you relish in it. You are dancing in the quiet air to the hum of no more tears falling down your cheeks. Your favorite song.

But on those hated 3AM silences where you're not dancing, you're a mess. And it seems from all of this that no matter what, people will always be a mess at 3AM.
But, when that moment Lilly hates so much comes, she doesn't know what to do. Because on those nights 3AM turns to 4AM, and you don't realize it till the clock it blinking 4:00.

In the morning, after a 3AM melt down, Lilly will swallow her pills to help. They're like Advil for when you break your arm, but more intense because you can't just take them out during class and pop them. You take them in the morning and hope that day is good.

But, somewhere in this 3AM dying feeling, Lilly picks up her phone and dials.
7 phone calls to 7 different people.
And just like you know, everyone is a mess at 3AM. And unlike at 3PM, no one seems to have they've phone on them. They are all hiding from it for one reason or another, because no one wants to admit what they are really doing at 3AM.

And after Lilly manages to swallow her pills and get to school on time she won't tell anyone what happened at 3AM.
And the other 7 people at this time, these other 7 people that she tried to call but to no avail, they won't ask her why she called. And she won't ask them why they didn't answer.
Because it's like a cycle, every 3AM the 8 repeat, and in the morning no one says a word. They all know what the bloodshot eyes are form, the tequila lies, and stained cheeks—But it's their business. Even though we all know.

Because at 3AM you will find your time. And I hope that you do not hate it too much.