At 3AM

. . . Loving . . .

              3AM is a messy time to love someone. You're covered in their kisses, with hickeys lining your stomach, and 'I love you's' ringing on repeat. The lights are on low so you can feel your way through this, not see.

If you told this to Caitlin she would pull her boyfriends jacket tighter around her and blush. She doesn't do words as much as she does love.

It's not a secret that at 3AM Caitlin is in love.

But you can only be in love for so long. Caitlin learned this from her parents that used to be in love, but now have two oceans in between them.

Caitlin's first 3AM love was under a red blanket, because red means fire, and passion, and love. That first 3AM was alive, and awake, and electric. There were no mumbled words, or tired eyes, or yawning. It was all red.

But at 3AM when your vision is hazy—just like Caitlin's has been—you will think that pink is red, and after you have another shitty night of sex you will always think pink is red.

Caitlin's mother taught her that love at 3AM is fake. Her father taught her that 3AM love is replaceable.

Love does not stay at looks, smiles, and flirting. It turns to sex, and then shit.

If you were to ask Caitlin about that she would loosen her boyfriends jacket because, "it's just getting hot in here." Hotter then anymore of her 3AM loves will be.

After Caitlin's boyfriend mumbles 'I love you' just under her heart he'll roll over and fall asleep while Caitlin is still awake.

After bad 3AM love Caitlin texts red hearts to a boy who she's only seen half a face of, who also is one ocean away. But when she sends these texts she gets the feeling of love again at 3AM.
But, they are still together at 3AM. Caitlin does not know where they love went at this hour, or if it's coming back. But with smudged lipstick her mother will tell her it isn't coming back.

Love is not sex, and sex is not love. But after Caitlin's red became pink, it went to orange and she saw all of those as red.

If you ask Caitlin what colour love is she will say white because she can't see it anymore. And as she says this she's lost her boyfriends jacket.

And while Caitlin is searching for love is shallow thrusts, and light purple hickeys; her phone is ringing. The photo of 3AM love is lit up on her phone, but she won't say she's uncomfortable to go answer it.