Fake ➢ CAKE

entry five

02/19

Dear Calum,

You left.

You fucking left.

I tried to catch up with your plane and hoped your flight was delayed, or you changed your mind.

But this is reality, and none of those happens in reality.

So that is it, then. The band is over. No more 5 Seconds Of Summer because I'm sure as hell Ashton and Michael can't do it without us. They're too stressed and depressed for us that I don't think they'll do this without us.

I don't get it. Why would you run away from your problems if I should be the one who's running away from everything? Why do you think it's that easy to forget something and pretend? Why is it that easy for you to leave without looking back?

Michael came over. Said he was too tired to deal with everyone's shit and decided he'd get drunk with me. I had two or three but not enough as Michael, who can barely walk with all the drinks he had. I didn't allow him to go back home once it was half past 2:00am and he agreed that he should just sleep in the couch.

But that's not what's interesting about his visit. It's what he confessed about you and me. His assumptions and all the things you told him.

You liked me all this time I was crushing on you.

He said you wished you can cuddle with me, not as friends, but something more. He said you wanted to be with me whenever we sleep, if by any chance either of us have nightmares. He also told me you wanted to kiss me when I'm pissed with everything around me, whenever I'm in my 'man period' as you three call it.

You wanted to do so much things I wanted to do too.

And as I watched Michael fall asleep in the couch, I realized we both ruined two lives; maybe even more. We ruined their dreams and the fans' joy. We ruined the opportunity of success for our two best friends and the possible gratitude and admiration from our fans.

Let's face it, Calum, we're life ruiners.

We ruined everything.

Or rather I ruined everything.