hamilton one-shots

just a bit of venting for the author-leebury

Yes I am anxious and sad so pls don't mind this. Trigger warnings: self harm/suicide
————————

"Charles, has anyone told you you're perfect?" Samuel had said all that while ago to Charles, his nervous-sounding voice warming Charles's heart and making his cheeks flush.

For the time being, that is.

Now Charles was sitting on the bathroom floor, clutching his knees as he sat in the corner, leaning against the cold bathtub.

Charles was crying, tears streaming down his face. He wanting to close his eyes but the burning sensation in them was too bothersome.

Not that he cared about the pain much, though. Charles shifted and grabbed a razor from a cabinet under the sink. Samuel had thought he'd grabbed them all when he searched the house after he'd found out what Charles did to himself.

Charles hesitated.

Samuel.

He wanted to live and stop hurting himself for Samuel... but he couldn't.

Samuel would move on anyways, Charles would tell himself, he didn't deserve Sam anyways. Sam probably lied when he said he loved Charles...

But the sincere touch of Sam's hand against Charles's jawline.... it almost convinced him to not pick up the blade.

Charles let out a choked sob, holding his breath, begging the tears to stop.

Ugly. Useless. Unloved. Sam never loved you. Sams better off without you. No one will miss you. His mind whispered tauntingly, his eyes emphasizing the intoxicating shimmering reflected light on the blade.

Charles took a deep breath, feeling his lips go purple.

He grabbed the blade and hastily pushed up his right sleeve, seeing the somewhat-healing pink scars and....

The flowers Sam drew in sharpie all over his arm. Charles let out another choked sob, and felt bile rise in his throat. He wasn't quick enough to lift up the toilet seat, so the acidic liquid dropped from his mouth onto his clothes. His throat burning, Charles smiled a little to himself, feeling the bile run down his jawline and onto his neck.

Charles almost felt psychotic as he slashed the blade across his under arm, the searing pain almost a welcoming feeling that for some reason only made him cry harder.

He did this over and over and over until the whole of his arm was drenched in wet, sticky, drying blood. Charles laughed at himself, and threw up again. He waited until the blood was dried before he punched himself as hard as he could on easily bruised places like his arms, knees, shoulders, and shins. The whole of him hurt.

But he couldn't take it anymore. This was the end. Charles snuck out of the bathroom, not bothering to clean up his mess. Sam would never have to deal with him again. He glanced at the time—1:35. It would be three more hours before Samuel got home. So, Charles slipped into the laundry room and took out the bleach.

"How fucking cliche of me. Bleach. Of course." Charles mumbled to himself. He was in the silent-but-worst-bit-of-it-cry. He quickly chugged as much as he could.

It burned his taste buds, so he swallowed the whole mouthful. Choking, Charles held his burning throat and collapsed. It tasted so, so horrible. But the burning... the burning was nice.

He drank four more mouthfuls. Then five. Then six. Then seven. He suddenly vomited, blood mixing with the bile.

Charles began to regret his decision. He missed Sam. He wanted Sam.

But that wouldn't happen. Not now.

He felt his conscience slipping away slowly.

"Sam..." He moaned, desperate, Bartley holding onto life.

Then the door opened and someone screamed. Samuel, the precious redhead, Charles's lover, leaned down next to his boyfriend, clutching Charles's jacket, begging him to stay with him.

Charles reached up, using all his energy, and ran his knuckles across Samuel's cheeks. "I love y—" but Charles didn't have the strength to finish. He was going to die, right here, right now. No ambulance to come and save him.

Samuel sobbed, desperately whispering continually whispering, "Charlie, I love you, Charlie, please, please stay with me," as if it could save Charles.

It didn't.

——————
yes so that's my venting of sorts I love y'all y'all are perfect and beautiful

big thanks to EvilBelgium and imPenguinChan go read their stuff they're literally the best okay