Through the Lens

Two Days

I could talk to Hailey about anything. We knew each other better than anyone else. We knew exactly what made each other tick, what buttons to push and what our biggest hopes and fears were. I knew exactly how Hailey would react in any situation, and she did the same for me. With us, there was no adventure too big, no mountain that couldn't be climbed, and no topic of conversation we couldn't cover. Except one.

I looked down at her as she slept on my chest, brushing the hair off her face so I could look at her, and studied her the same what I had been every day for the past week. I wanted to take the image with me, the sight of her resting peacefully against me as I held her. I'd been trying to memorize everything, from the feel of her skin on mine to the smell of her shampoo, the way she would crinkle her nose when she thought. If I was honest, they were things I'd memorized long before then, but I just wanted to make sure I'd never forget them.

"Stop staring at me, creep." She mumbled against my chest, a small smile tugging at her lips even though she didn't open her eyes.

"Can't help it." I smiled as she tilted her head up, sleepily opening her eyes to look up at me. "I love seeing you asleep. I told you, you look like an angel."

"Someday." She smiled and I leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose.

She cuddled back into me, nuzzling her face into my neck as she sighed, sounding like she could go back to sleep. I softly ran my fingers up and down her arm, enjoying the feel of her warm skin underneath my fingertips, and before I knew it the words just fell out of my mouth.

"Is this it?"

I felt her stiffen against me, her breathing completely stopping for a few seconds before she slowly pulled away to look at me. I swallowed hard as she watched me carefully, waiting for me to be more clear, and I felt my heart start to pound in my chest.

"This...me and you, is this it?"

"What do you mean?" She asked slowly, obviously dreading the conversation.

I reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, sighing as I prepared myself to start a conversation I knew she definitely didn't want to have.

"Us, whatever this is...is this all it's ever gonna be? Are we just finishing up the summer and staying best friends, or are we more than that?"

"You're leaving, Harry." She said simply as she looked down at her hands, playing with her fingers as she avoided my gaze.

"That's not what I asked you." I said as I placed a finger under her chin, lifting her face to look at me. "Is this all you ever want this to be?"

"It doesn't matter what I want." She said quietly, sadness in her voice.

"It matters to me. I need you to tell me, Bear. Do you want more than this? Do you wanna be with me?"

I watched as tears pooled in her eyes, though I wasn't sure why, and she seemed to be doing her best to keep them from falling as she closed her eyes and tried to squeeze them back.

"You can't stay here, Harry. You can't. You have to go back, please don't to this." She pleaded.

"Answer my question." I said, getting irritated that she wouldn't just tell me.

"I told you, it doesn't matter. No matter what I say, you are still getting on that plane on Monday. Please don't make this any harder."

"I don't get it." I sighed, throwing my head back on my pillow in frustration. "Why can't you just tell me? Just tell me what you want!"

"Because it's not that easy! You don't get it! You can't just expect me to tell you I want you to stay when you're leaving, that's not fair!" She yelled back.