An Exchange

Four Months

3 months later

(Luke and Hunter--4 months old, Leo--2 years old, Diego--30 years old, Andre--34 years old)

"What do you want to do today?" Andre asks Hunter.

Hunter giggles.

"You like that." He says bumping his son's nose with his again.

Hunter erupts into more giggles.

Andre smiles. "You're a happy baby." I hope I can keep you happy. His gaze moves to the photo where Clara holds Hunter in her arms. She should be here. He thinks. How am I supposed to do this all by myself? He shakes his head. He's not by himself. He has his parents support. They had moved in after the accident to help him while he tried to get himself together.

Hunter lets out more giggles.

Andre places Hunter down in his crib and he moves to grab his bear.

His motor skills are developing fast. Andre thinks. He had missed the first time he tried clutching the bottle. His mother had told him about it. I don't ever want to miss your other first. He thinks. He didn't know anything about raising a baby.

No parent knows how to raise a baby. It is a scary thing. Every parents is scared of making the wrong decision for their child. You were going to do the same thing with Clara. She didn't know how to raise a baby. Use that fear to fuel your decisions. If you love your child, he will know. That's what every child needs love and support. As long as you do that you will do your best. The challenge that the world chose to give you is to be a single parent with a baby to raise, but do not forget we're here for you. We will always help you like we were going to be if Clara was still alive. You just need to ask.

They were the words his mother had told him after he had a breakdown. Andre nods to himself. They are true. He and Clara didn't know a thing about raising a baby, but they were going to learn together, but know he didn't have her. He needed to be strong for Hunter. He smiles as he seems Hunter sleeping still clutching the bear; it had been chosen by Clara. Yes, he would be okay. He had to be strong for Hunter, he tells himself as he heads to bed.

***

"You like keeping dad awake, don't you?" Diego says, tiredly, to Luke.

Luke gurgles. He reaches towards Diego. Diego brings his hand closer to Luke's. Luke grabs his finger and giggles.

"As long as you're happy. I'll just have a lot of coffee tomorrow." Well later. We would be taking turns if she was still here with us.

Luke makes a noise.

"Now you want to eat. How much can you eat?" Diego smiles as he carries Luke. He rocks him. "Don't cry. I just have to heat it up a little bit." He tells him. "We don't want to wake Leo up." Or he won't be going back to sleep. Of course, you wouldn't listen. Diego thinks as Luke's cries get louder. "There, there, it's almost ready." He tells him.

While feeding Luke, he walks them back to his sons' bedroom. "See you woke up Leo." He tells Luke.

Luke's attention is on eating.

Diego smiles. "Hi Leo. You're awake."

"Dad." He replies, stretching his arms out.

"Hold on. I can only hold one of you right now. Luke is eating." He ruffles Leo's hair. He moves toward the radio to turn on the music. The room is filled with soft music. He hopes they will fall asleep. "Go back to sleep, Leo." He whispers. "Hug, Buba." He nods toward the elephant Leo never leaves behind.

How am I going to continue doing this? He wonders as he looks at both of his sons. Thankfully, their injuries had been minor. Life can be cruel. They would grow up without their mother. They will only know her from the photos that were in their bedroom. Diego feels the lump in his throat. 

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