Thick thighs {Completed}

Chapter 9

Edited

Kayla

"Where are you going?" April asked as I packed my bag up.

"Library," I said making sure I had my chargers. "I have to finish this assignment for a lab."

"You just wanna see your new lab partner," she glared at me. I laughed. She's so jealous that me and Tia are actually getting along. She thinks I'm trying to replace her as my best friend. After that day in the diner with Josh, I decided some much-needed space was in order. So I emailed my lab professor asking for a switch. I was lucky that another girl was having problems with her lab partner. The only problem was I had to switch into another lab class but that was fine with me. I'd rather not see Josh's face right now.

I was surprised that I even said what I said to him. I never EVER stick up for myself or let my frustration out in that way but I did that night. I think it was mostly from the stress of opening up after so long but I have to admit it felt good and I didn't regret it. Not one bit. I was really surprised I brought Andre up. Maybe the frustration of losing a potentially good friend added to the stress as well.

"She's not even going to be there. She has a club meeting and her own homework to do. We agreed to just do our parts separately since we have no time to meet up."

"Why can't you do your project here?" She whined.

"Because your BOYFRIEND is coming over and I don't want to impose. God you're acting like a baby. You're not going to be here alone April."

"Bitch you live here. He's just visiting." I laughed. "Besides, it's not like we're kicking you out. We can all watch Jerry Springer together. I want to spend time with you too."

"I don't want to third wheel on you guys. There's a lot of work I need to do so I may be back late. Not that you'll notice since you'll be too busy. I know how you guys' chill sessions end up."

"Bitch don't throw shade. Get out now," she mugged me. I giggled as I left. "Text me when you leave though."

"Alright!" I walked out and headed to my car. This assignment was worth a lot so I had to make sure my side was as solid as possible. I'm mostly finished I just have to do a few more things and tweak a few formulas. I'll probably be done within the hour and will start on new projects and homework.

I've been seeing Dr. Jacobson for a while now. And every time I speak with her I feel better about myself. She makes me see things I was too blinded to see before. Now I didn't change overnight. I'm still self-conscious and quiet. My self-esteem is still pretty low. I still can't stand up for myself. I didn't wake up one day and said "you know what, forget all the trauma and bullshit I've been holding onto and let me adopt a bad bitch attitude'. I'm still very much the same old me.

The difference now is that I'm getting better. I don't try to hide things as much with April. I'm learning to see the ugly truth and not sugar coat it in hopes I can save my feelings and heart. I feel a bit stronger and the pain is subsiding a bit. Not to mention I'm slowly learning to let go of all the bullshit in my past and embrace the future.

That doesn't necessarily include me cutting Josh off completely. I kept my promise to not bother him anymore. I'm honestly fed up with him but at the same time, I have hope that he'll see the error of his ways and change. Go back to the childhood friend I once knew. He's texted me more than he did before but I rarely answer. I've answered a few just to let him know I'm alive but I try not to indulge myself too much into him. I feel as though this is a lesson for both of us. I'm not sure what we both have to learn but I do hope it's for the better.