Forgetting Love

17

Home.

He must see the look on my face because he says, "Don't even think about it. You aren't getting away."

"You can't tell me what I can and can't do," I retort.

"Believe me," he says icily. "I can make you do whatever I want. I've just been nice. Don't push me or I won't be next time." There isn't going to be a next time, I think. "I don't think you'd make it very far anyways. Are you sure you're alright?"

"No, I'm not, but you can't do anything about it." He sighs again. He's been doing that a lot lately.

"Ok, fine, I give up. I'll just be leaving then. You can stop being so moody now." He turns around and walks out the door.

"Wait," I say.

"Yes?"

"What if I need something?"

"I'm locking the door, if that's what you're wondering," he says. "I'm not dumb. Joseph will be here if you need anything."

My heart drops. No, I can't be trapped here. I get out of the bed desperate. My whole world is spinning. He can't do this to me. Please don't let me be stuck here again.

Tears brim in my eyes. By the time I get to the door, it's already closed. Not again. The lock clicks in to place before I can open the it to stop it. "Chris," I beg. "Please, Chris, please."

"Morgan, I'm sorry," he says from the other side of the door. No he isn't, he never is.

"No, no, please!" I cry as I bang on the door hoping for anything. He doesn't answer me, but I know he's still out there. "Don't do this to me again. Chris!" Once I realize this is a lost cause, I scream, "I hate this boat!"

With that, everything catches up to me. My lack of energy, the dizziness, the screaming I shouldn't be doing; it becomes too much for me to handle.

Everything goes black as my feet can no longer support me and I'm falling through the air.

When I wake up, I'm back in the bed all tucked in. The pounding in my head has subsided to a dull ache. Thank god. My vision is sort of hazy, but it clears up pretty quick. Laying in the bed defeated, I start to cry. I am never going to get out of here. It's strange how the body acts once it finally realizes that it's trapped forever.

I must have been out for most of the day. I'm still feel kind of tired, though. The sun is setting but it was just morning when Chris was here. He's gone yet I'm still trapped.

I look at the plate beside me. The breakfast food is no longer there. It's been replaced by a bowl of spaghetti and a piece of garlic bread. My mouth begins to water and my stomach rumble. It looks so good. I suddenly don't care about getting sick. All I want is to stuff myself and cry my sorrows away.

It's so demoralizing, but I just don't care about any of that anymore. Look at where morals got me. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes down. Eventually I'll hit rock bottom.

Barely tasting and stopping for breaths, I inhale the food. The interesting part is going to be whether or not I can hold it down or not. I guess I'll have to worry about that later because there is no stopping me now.

After having eaten and slept the whole day, I feel rejuvenated. I no longer feel the need to cry. I've cried enough to last a lifetime. I have a new purpose for life and happiness. I feel like I could hold the weight of the world on my shoulders. All of this time I've spent feeling alone, I was wasting. I've never been truly alone.

I've always had myself to fight for, and I'm just now realizing that again.

I'm finished with trying to starve myself and what not. I can't be depriving myself of needs if I'm going to get out of here. Fainting every time I do too much could definitely put a damper on anything I try. I put my now empty plate on the side table and get up. My headache is gone, and for once I'm not feeling dizzy.