Regal [h.s au]

47. Blame

I angrily turn my back to him, prepared to go back to my cabin when I feel the tight grip of his fingers around my wrist, pulling me with him. I stumble slightly from the quick unexpected movement, inhaling loudly in surprise until a surge of rage courses through me. "Let me go!"

He ignores me as he quickly starts walking towards the cabins, effortlessly resisting my attempts to pull my hand away. I dig my nails into his hand, making him hiss in pain and finally halt in place.  "Let. Me. Go," I demand, refusing to meet his eyes and jerking my arm in hopes of loosening his grip. It's not painful, but it's tight enough for me to be unable to free myself.

"Never," he says as he pulls me towards him, looking straight into my eyes. Without saying anything else, he drags me all the way to his cabin and quickly locks the door.

I push him away to unlock it, but he grabs my wrists and hauls me to his chest, holding them against it. "Let go!" I shout, finally ripping my wrists from his hold and distancing myself from him. "Let me leave, I don't want to be around you!"

"Amelia-"

"What, you are allowed to ignore me for months and come to me when you need a release, but I am not allowed to walk away from you? You hypocrite." I grit my teeth, feeling incredibly angry at him yet absolutely devastated at the same time.

Harry's palm cups the nape of my neck as he pulls me towards him, covering my lips with his firmly. He moves them roughly against mine just like he's done almost every single night for the past few months before taking me from behind and leaving me alone in my bed. My palms flatten against his chest and I push him away only for him to try kissing me again.

I turn my head, managing to free myself from his hold. "No!"

"Why not?" He snaps and drags his palm down his face, his reaction surprising me.

"I don't want to be your personal toy anymore! I'm done with that now, with you using me for your benefit then throwing me away when you're done. I just want to get back to my family and be with them. It's over, Harry."

"I was your family once, we had a family," he states, his fists clenching at his sides.

I feel a sharp sting of pain in my chest. "Yes, and then you changed after our son died! I know it was devastating for you, but it was the same for me. What happened to you, why are you like this? Why are you so adamant to punish your father, to punish me when my heart is broken just like yours?"

"Because I'm angry!" He yells, eyes flashing with rage. "Angry at my father, at Niall, at you! If I hadn't left to that bloody wedding months ago, Adam could have been here right now! My son could have been in my arms, smiling at me! But you made me leave, I told you I don't want to go, and all of you made me leave! He died because of you!"

My jaw falls open and I step back as if he has pushed me, my hand instinctively placing over my chest. Tears fill my eyes and I struggle to breathe. "You can't possibly blame me for the death of our child. You can't be that heartless and cruel."

I point a shaky finger at him. "How dare you? Nobody could have known what was going to happen and we needed an army! We had to go! You have no right to blame it on us!" He opens his mouth to speak, but I glare at him through my tears. "You think you would have made any difference? Who says you wouldn't have died as well had you stayed? Or me-"

"That's the point, I don't!" He grabs his head, tufts of his hair peeking between his fingers. He turns to the door and slams his palm against it before facing me again. He takes a few quick strides towards me, making me step back. "I'll never know what could have been! I'll never know if I could have saved him! We shouldn't have left Amelia, we shouldn't have left, but you put this fucking war above our son! One of us should have stayed! I would have protected him..." He closes his eyes for a moment.