30 day otp challenge - jimon edition

fighting pt. 1

 warning - may be triggering to some, read at your own risk. 

my eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the pale light escaping through the window. 

"morning, sunshine." jace's deep morning voice rang through my ears. i turned in his arms, admiring his facial features.

"how the hell do you look so good in the morning? that's humanly impossible. well, obviously it's not impossible if you can do it but-"

"it's too early for you to be talkative." jace said, shifting so he could kiss me. his lips met mine for no longer than three seconds before he turned back around, wrapping himself in the covers. i swallowed, preparing myself for the conversation i was about to indulge myself in. 

"hey, jace?" i asked, those two words seeming to be the only ones that would allow themselves to come out. he hummed in response. "have you- don't you ever feel- like, i don't know- bad. i mean you see clary everyday, you kiss clary, you love clary, and then you come home, and you kiss me with the same mouth, you love me with the same heart, and then you go back to her in the morning and- it's just a constant cycle of lies. but, i mean, who are you lying to? me or her?" the words that once seemed impossible to get out now flowed out of my mouth like a flood. halfway through my rambling, jace turned again, sitting up, on his face a look of pure confusion- or sadness, simon didn't know. 

"hey, simon. i love you. clary, she's just a girl in love to me. our relationship is fake. it's all just in her head." jace said, putting his hand in mine. i pulled my hand away from his, sitting in the same position. 

"how can you expect me to believe that? we've been playing this game for almost four months now. you are the first person who has made me feel this way, ever." i said, my eyes watering just a bit. 

"why is this bothering you now? you've never had a problem with any of this before, why now?" jace asked, his face now filled by an expression simon knew was confusion. 

"you think i'm not insecure about this?" i yelled, standing up. "the guy i love is dragging me along, playing games, tricking me into thinking that we could ever be more than just boys in love! you get weird over me calling you my boyfriend, but you can toss around 'i love you' without any problems? i can't talk about you with my friends, but i can make out with you for hours without protest? god dammit, jace, what do you want from me?" tears streamed down my face, my voice weakening with each sentence. jace visibly flinched, gulping when i ran a hand through my hair and slid my jeans back on.

"where are you going?" jace asked quietly when i grabbed my phone and keys. 

"home, jace, i'm going home. call me when you've ended things with your girl toy." simon stormed out of jace's apartment, leaving jace with a heart full of hurt and eyes full of tears.