Solo's Jedi ~Poe Dameron/Star Wars ~

Chapter Twenty Five: Aftermath

"Please, don't cry," I said quickly, sensing her sudden shift in emotions. "I'm fine,"

"You're not fine," she said, looking at me with a frown.

"No, you're right, I'm not, and I don't know if I ever will be again," I admitted. "We were once such a happy family, I can clearly remember days where my mother would be sat outside of our home on Tatooine reading, whilst my brother would be sat, listening to stories from Uncle Luke. I'd heard all of his stories so many times, so Chewie would be fixing up the Falcon, and I would be with my father doing target practice. Me shooting used to annoy my mother, she always said that I wasn't a soldier, and I guess if things had been different I would have been called a Princess, and princesses aren't meant to shoot and fight and kill, though none of that stopped my mother. Dad always used to smirk at me when I was taking aim, and it's only now that I know he was looking on at me with pride, since Ben had very little concern with blasters. He cared more about the force, the fucking force mattered to him more than his family, and now look where that's gotten us,"

"I always thought your brother was dead," Rey said, her tone gentle as if expecting her words would upset me. "You told us he was dead, Han... he never even mentioned that he had a son,"

"My brother is dead," I spoke the words sharply, as if to convince myself of them too. "My brother, my father, and probably my uncle too. All that's left is me and my mother, and the resistance. I was fourteen when the First Order destroyed all of our homes in the galaxy in an attempt to kill me. Luckily I was at the academy, but they tried again, and again, and again, bombs and arrests and torture, but look at me, the last Solo left standing!"

Rey sat there, frozen. I could tell she didn't know what to say. I felt like I had turned on a tap and all my emotions and feelings had started flooding out, and now I had started I didn't know if I could stop.

"I've been chased by bounty hunters all my life, and yet I manage to get captured by a fucking stormtrooper in a pimped out suit? For force sake! I escape arrest and then execution several times before I even reached the age of sixteen, but I just got tortured by Snoke, just because I knew my brother was on the same planet as me, only to watch my brother kill my father!  Do you know what it feels like? To be mentally and physically put under so much strain through a life force current I have dedicated my life to study and practically worship as well as trust, tortured to the extent of hallucination, seeing my uncle begging me to keep a hold of myself, only then to see my father murdered in front of me by my own brother, with the only thought in my head saying that the pain of watching him die is so much worse than the torture?"

"Luci..." Rey began, but I could tell that she still didn't know what to say. Instead, she moved her hands to grip my arm with one and with the other pull me into an embrace. I let my head fall onto her shoulder, feeling defeated.

"I hurt him, my little brother..." I breathed out, the sight of him writhing in pain because of my actions playing out in my mind. "I don't care how much I tell myself that he's dead, he's still my brother and I-"

All the emotions overtook me in that moment and as if I knew it was going to happen, I quickly pulled myself away from Rey. Only seconds after we separated I felt an electric current surge through me and out of my fingertips. Rey jumped up out of her seat, though I couldn't tell if it was in fear or in shock. I watched, my own eyes wide with worry as I saw the small purple bolts shoot out until I took a sharp intake of breath and held it within me, this action putting a stopper on it practically as I immediately felt the electricity stop within me.

"What was that?" Rey asked, and her voice seemed more amazed than afraid.

"I don't know yet, but I'm the first Jedi to do that, it's a sith power," I explained and then looked down at my hands in horror. "Maybe Snoke did break me without me realising, maybe I am a sith now,"

"Don't think like that, you're good, you aren't like-"

"Like my brother? Like Ben?" I said, and it sounded more aggressive than I intended it to.

"Yes, well no, I mean you look like him a bit, but you're not like him," she said almost hurriedly. "You're like your father,"

"My father..." I spoke the words, imagining his smirking face, and then the image was suddenly replaced by that of him lying dead on the floor, his chest impaled. I flinched, and felt sick, my body starting to tremble slightly.

Before either of us could say anything else, I felt the Falcon jerk to a sudden stop. Yelping slightly, I felt myself get tossed to the ground, only to pull myself back into the small sofa behind the table. Chewie came out of the cockpit and I blinked back whatever tears were forming, forcing on a smile, even though I knew Chewie was one of the few I didn't have to be strong in front of, since I knew he felt the exact same.

"Hey, Chewie," I greeted, and then heard myself; I sounded like my father. "Are we back at the resistance? Good, I need to see my mother,"

In this moment I felt so lost. So lost, confused, torn and broken. I could feel myself falling apart but I knew I had to keep myself together for just a while longer, since we'd just scored a great victory against the First Order, though it had come at a price, and I had seen it be paid.

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Word count: 1885
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