Broken

Chapter 4

It has finally been done. The divorce has been finalized, and my parents are now officially divorced. It all seemed so quick. It feels like just yesterday, when I stormed out of the house, though, it was two weeks ago. I still haven't talked things out with my dad. I know I have to hear him out. I need an explanation, and avoiding him won't do both of us any good. He has some things to say, and I need some answers to my questions, so, do the math. My dad is ready to move out, and I have to talk to him before he finally moves out. When we got home, I gave him sometime alone, and went to his room to talk. It's either now or never, and I have to man up and talk to my dad. I owe it to both of us to hear him out.

I moved slowly to his room, trying not to make my presence known. When I got to his room door, I hesitated a little before finally knocking on his door. "It's open" he said, with a voice that sounded almost like a whisper.

"It's me, dad" I walked in further, and found him sitting on his bed "We have to talk." He just kept quiet while he neatly folded his clothes. "You said you had something to say" I said, hoping to break the silence that was creeping in.

"Yeah"

"Okay?"

"Abbie, I want you to know that I've always loved you, and I will always love you" why is he saying this to me?

"Okay dad" I said, not sure of what to say.

"Abbie..." He broke off and said nothing for a while. It felt like he was thinking of what to say "I never wanted it to end this way... I did all I could to save this marriage..." Before he could complete his statement, I interrupted.

"Dad you don't have to..." He cut me off too. He can't do this to me now. I hate having confrontations like this, especially with my parents.

"Please, don't interrupt me. I have to say this now, or never. It's really necessary for me to say this. I never wanted any of this to happen. Helen wasn't supposed to be in the picture. It was supposed to be a one night stand-"

"Dad you really don't-"

"Please let me talk, Abbie. Let me explain this to you... I don't want you see me as the man that cheated on your mom and dumped her. I want you to see me as the man that endured everything that happened to him, and every sorrow that was caused by the woman he truly loved more than anything else, and got hurt.

"I met Helen at a bar, after your mom and I had a major fight one night. I was dead drunk, and she offered me a ride home. I swear that's all I can remember Abbie. And the next morning, I woke up with a hangover headache, and saw her laying on my chest. I didn't even know her name then. I still don't know if anything happened between us... Then a few months later, I got a call from Helen, saying that she was pregnant with my baby.

"At first, I didn't believe her. I thought she was just trying to blackmail me, but then I gave it a second thought, and held on to the slightest hope that maybe, just maybe, Helen was carrying my baby. I've always wanted another baby, you know. But your mom couldn't give me one. I told your mom about Helen, and she got angry. At first, she was okay with it, but then later, she started nagging about it, and told me that I can either have her or Helen, and that was when we decided to get a divorce. I didn't want to go ahead with the divorce, but your mom pressured me to do it, saying that it was going to be either Helen and the baby or both of you. I tried really hard to reason with her, but she just wouldn't listen. I'm sorry things had to end this way." I don't know what I was expecting my dad to say, but this was not what I was expecting. I think I was expecting him to... Who am I kidding? I don't know what I expected him to say. I think now's the right time to ask dad about what I heard them say about mom's past.

"Dad,"

"Yes honey,"

"The other day, when you slapped me, I overheard you and mom talking about mom's past. What does mom's past have to do with what's happening?"

"Sweetheart, that's not for me to tell you. Your mom has to tell you herself when the time is right"

"Okay. You also said that you wanted a second child and mom couldn't give you one. What did you mean by that?"

"Sweetie, I have no right to tell you something that I know your mom would want to tell you herself. She'd tell you when the time is right"

"When will the time be right?" I asked like a little kid who had lost hope.

"You'd know when the time is right sweetie" he kissed my forehead and left me to muse alone.