Confessions of a Teenage Sheriff (A Separate Peace Fanfiction)

cHAPER T 555-5555 AYYYYYYYY

Gene reached the school with sweat, tears, and SNOT running down his face, and his friends were playing that stupid sport Finny came up with. But they were playing it WRONG. He ran up behind Leper. Leper turned towards the source of the obnoxiously loud breathing, and his face nearly smacked into Gene's. "Jesus Christ!" Leper exclaimed. "What the duck is wrong with you, m8?"

Gene spat on Leper as he spoke. "FINYYYYYYY'S DEEEEEEEEEEEEAD!" he screeched. Snot and spit splattered all over Leper, and some flew past him and landed in Chet's afro.

Leper wiped the disgustingness off of his face. "You got anymore liquids you wanna spray on me, ya stupid cunt?" he growled as he shook a fist in the air.

Snot continued to pour out of Gene's nostrils. "FINNY'S DEAD THO. WE GOTTA GO HELP HIM!"

Some other member of their cult raised his hands in the air. "C'mon, kids! Our good buddy Finny is in trouble!" he said as fire came out of his bum. He shot into the air until he disappeared among the clouds. All the young boys looked up in awe as their friend flew into the sun and consequently exploded. Blood and guts rained down covering the campus grounds and the boys below.

"Yeah, anyway," said Gene. "He's kinda, like, dead, or something. We should probably go throw him in the river, yaknowhutimean?"

BRINKER (had to Google a list of characters, don't even remember this guy) screamed at Gene, "HOW DARE YOU KILL THE GREAT AND POWERFUL PHINEAS DOESNTHAVEALASTNAMEFORSOMEDUMBREASON?"

"I didn't kill him!" Gene yelled back defensively. "He fell outta that STUPID tree!"

Brinker shoved a finger up Gene's nose. "That tree is not STUPID, YOU'RE STUPID! That tree represents 'Murica, and we're gonna be victorious against the NAZIS."

"Yeah, sure. Whatever. But like, Finny MIGHT still be alive, but he WON'T BE if you TWATS don't get to the river now!" Gene began to run back towards the river. "Finny finna die!"

The boys followed Gene back to the river. They all stared in shock at the bloody heap that was Finny, and Leper screamed because he's a little girl. He wasn't moving, so they all assumed that Finny was ded lol. "Oh god," Chet sobbed as tears began to stream down his face, and he dropped to his knees. "We were gonna play 7 Seconds in Heaven tonight! I got my closet all cleaned up and everything!"

Brinker put a hand on Chet's shoulder. "Man, it's time for you to come out of the closet and stay out," he said as he shook his head with disappointment. "Those skeletons in there are going to give you some sort of disease. Besides, it's 2012; it's okay to be gay."

"It's not 2012," Leper interjected. "It's 194Hitler, you ninny."

"Hey guys, shut your - shut up. Can we just like dump his body now or whatever?" Generic chimed in.

"Hey, you're a sheriff tho. Shouldn't like, investigate or somethin?" Quackenbush asked.

"Hey look guys!" Chet said as he pointed happily at Cliff Quackenbush (another character I forgot existed). "It's Cliff Quackenbush!"

"Wait a minute, though," Brinker said. "Didn't you just fly into the sun and explode?"

"Yeah, but like, I respawned," Quackerkush said flatly. "Why do you care? None of you like me anyway."

"I like you," Chet said as he winked flirtatiously at the duck.

"Gross," Duckinhedge whispered.

As they continued to dink around, a low rumble erupted from Finny's throat, and he slowly lifted a shaking hand in the air. "Help me," he croaked. 

"oH GOD IT'S A ZOMBIE!" Leper screamed.

"KILL THE BEAST KILL THE BEAST KILL THE BEAST!" Chet chanted as he grabbed a frickin machete out of his mustache.

"Uh-oh, spaghetti oh's" said Brinker.