To Not Give In

Forty || Broken Pieces

MUSIC STRONGLY ADVISED FOR LISTENING

You'd think that I'd be up and hopping the moment my body was no longer addicted to the rasetsu blood.

Not at all.

Instead, it was worn and weak, protesting against anything that was even the slightest bit strenuous. And as a result of that...I was stuck in bed for most of the time. Sanosuke was more relaxed now that I was better, but I saw that there were still other things which weighed heavily in his mind.

Tension had been high lately, with all the battles going on between the Imperial Army and the Bakufu. Just a day ago the former Bakufu army had attacked Utsunomiya Castle, which had allied itself with the Imperial Army. However, the enemy forces had been nearly twice the size of the Bakufu's, and as a result they were utterly crushed in the battle.

I sat in bed playing with the hairpin Sanosuke had given me, face tight as I stared at empty air. Without thinking, I abruptly stood up and slipped out into the hall briefly before entering another room. It was empty.

My heart dropped a little and I began turning around to head back to my room.

"Looking for me?"

"Eek!" I jumped a little, tipping back towards the tatami mat until Sanosuke slid his arm under me and pulled me back up. I gave a sigh of relief as he dropped his hand back to his side. "It's you. And it wasn't quite that I was looking for you...I was just a little bored."

At this, he laughed. "Bored? Now that you're not sick anymore you're bored?"

"Well excuse me for not suffering a thirst-attack once every five hours anymore," I shot back.

Sanosuke rolled his eyes but a grin continued pulling on his lips. He landed a hand on my hair and ruffled it, eyes twinkling. "Right, right. I'm glad you're better though."

At that, his eyes grew serious as he gazed down at me, his hand moving from the top of my head to my cheek, which he cupped delicately as he brushed his fingertips across my cheekbones. I looked back up at him curiously as I tilted my head towards his hand slightly, offering him a quizzical look. "Yes?"

"I still can't believe that this is finally over," he said quietly. He closed his eyes, standing there for about a few seconds like that before letting his hand drop back to his side as his eyelids lifted again to reveal beautiful honey-gold orbs which almost never failed to startle me. "You're...you don't have to suffer anymore."

"So I don't." I smiled benignly up at him. I moved a hand to hold his, wrapping my fingers around the rough solidness which bore a good amount of strength yet the same amount of gentleness. "Sanosuke, you and I...we can be at peace."

What I had wanted to say was that he and I could be together forever. But then it had been with a painful stab to my heart when I realized that this could not happen. That I was bound to go back to my time and that I would have to leave him, leave this era. Of course, I couldn't tell him this. Not when he'd just had the ease of heart and mind that I would not longer suffer under the blood of the fury.

Maybe I'd never tell him.

I turned away.

"Suzuran?"

"Nothing." I forced my voice to sound light and cheery to hide the heaviness in my chest. I swallowed. "I just...need a moment."

With that said, I began hurrying back to  my room, brushing past him as I did. But right before I could take another step, I felt arms encircling me from behind, and before I knew it I was pulled against a warm and large chest, and Sanosuke's head was ducked close to mine, the dark red tips of his hair tickling the side of my face.