To Not Give In

Fifteen || My Body Hates Me-You Don't Say

Leaning down, I took a sniff of his neck. I could smell it. The sweet smell of blood running through his veins. My mouth watered. I giggled--a high-pitched sound from my throat.

"You won't mind, will you?" I whispered hoarsely. "You get it, don't you? The need and desire for blood? You won't mind...giving some to me?"

His eyes were calm and steady. Even his body was still--still, not stiff.

"I'm afraid you're not quite yourself right now, Katsurou-san," he said. "There are more white streaks in your hair. Your eyes are glowing crimson."

I let out a wheezing laugh. "So? Does it matter?"

All of a sudden, his hands were on me. And in a split second, he'd flipped me over so that I was the one being pinned down. He drew his katana and pressed the blade against my throat.

"Let go!" I thrashed under his grip. My voice escalated higher and higher. "Let me go, already! Release me!"

"Suzuran-chan," he started steadily, "please get a hold of yourself."

I screeched, kicked, clawed, thrashed--but it was all no use. I couldn't free myself of him.

"Sannan-san!"

Who was it? I didn't recognize that voice. Not that I cared. All I wanted was his blood. His sweet, heavenly blood. I needed it. Why couldn't he see that?

"Please," I begged. "A little? You understand, don't you? I can't live without it...I can't..."

"And you won't regret it?" he asked softly. His hazel eyes were hard as he looked down on me. "You will be closer to becoming the very thing you don't want to be. Are you willing to throw away your life just like that? And furthermore...right in front of Harada-kun?"

Harada-san...?

I turned my head.

Standing a few feet away was the auburn-haired captain, amber eyes sorrowful as he stood there as still as a statue. His face was set in a grim and tight expression as he began to approach me.

"Suzuran-chan..." he began.

I froze. Suddenly, all the bloodlust was gone, leaving only a horrible, hollow, empty feeling inside my chest. My muscles loosened as I ceased to fight against Sannan-san. To my horror, there were bright red marks on the deputy commander's skin from when I'd scratched him. Why hadn't I seen them before?

My hands shakingly found their way up to cover my mouth.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I'm so sorry. I-I..."

Sannan-san released me, standing up. I sat up, but remained on the ground, bending my legs up and curving forward to rest my forehead on my knees. How could I? I'd almost killed him. Well, maybe not necessarily kill him, but I almost drank his blood. At that moment, I'd completely forgotten about my sanity. I'd tossed it to the side like a ragged doll.

Disgusting.

Not only that, but Harada-san had seen me. He saw that side of me. Oh god, what was I going to do? This was horrible. I'd lost control of myself. Dammit. My entire body trembled. What was I going to do? What was I going to do?

"Suzuran-chan." His voice was close. Slowly, I turned my head to the side.

There was a gentle look on Harada-san's face. I felt his hand on my back--hard from all the years of training and battling, yet a soothing warmness to it which was somehow managing to slow down the rapidly beating heart.