Runaway (A Zayn Malik fanfiction)

Chapter 65 ♡

I took a step closer to her, wanting so badly to hold her in my arms. Tears were forming in the corners of my eyes and she noticed, looking away. She still couldn't handle the pain of seeing me in pain. She still loved me.

"Darling, sweetheart, please listen to me. I was drunk. I still love you so much." I begged. Maybe I looked pathetic to Jack, but for Kat, I would've dropped down on my knees and literally begged. She was worth everything.

"And I love you too!" She cried, "but that's the fucking problem. I don't want to love you. I hate loving you. I wish I never loved you, Zayn. You're a drug that took over my life, and now I can barely breathe without taking you. But that's the thing, I hate breathing." She brought her hands to rest on the table behind her, looking as if she were about to fall. "I hate being able to breathe, Zayn. Because no matter what, you're intoxicating me. It's killing me Zayn. You're killing me."

Her words stabbed my heart, making me shatter into a billion pieces. I wanted to hold her, right then and right there, but I was paralyzed. I wanted to tell her to forgive me, but my mouth was glued shut. I wanted everything to go back to the way it was, but unfortunately, I was stuck.

"Kat, let him talk." Jack said from behind me, making me suddenly aware of his presence.

Kat brought her hand up to rub her face frustratedly, as she tried to control her heavy sobs. "Go ahead Zayn," she cried. "Talk to me. Tell me that you love me. Tell me that everything's going to be fine. Tell me I'm beautiful. Tell me that, no matter what, you aren't leaving my side. Lie to me Zayn, go ahead."

I took deep breaths, trying to control my anger. My hands curled into a fist as my heart rate quickened. You stupid, fucking idiot Zayn. You had one chance at loving her, and you blew it. You hurt her worse than anyone ever has. You broke her.

I wasn't mad at Jack for bringing me here. I wasn't mad at Kat's dad for making our relationship hard in the first place. I wasn't mad at Carlee for kissing me. I wasn't mad at Drew for beating me. And I wasn't mad at Kat for being afraid to love me again.

I was mad at myself.

While my hand uncontrollably hit the lamp on her table, casing it to fall and break, I realized that I didn't know how to control it. Jack was astonished at my actions but Kat just stared at me, her expression remaining neutral. She had seen this many times before.

"Zayn. Before anything happens, get out of my house." She states coolly, shattering me once again.

I don't know what happens, but I immediately reply harshly, "why Kat!? Why can't you just fucking forgive me!? It was a stupid mistake, okay? I was fucking drunk!" I wanted to hit myself after I said that, because I knew that it wasn't me talking.

It was the beast inside of me. The beast that was coming unleashed. The beast that had caused all of this in the first place.

But Kat knew me too well to give up there. She stood tall, wiping the tears from her face. "Forgive you?! You want me to forgive you? Goddammit Zayn, you just don't understand, do you?!"

I bit my lip, keeping me from saying anything else. But it doesn't work once I find myself saying, "get over it Kat! It's not that big of a deal!"

Kat's eyes widen as she nods her head, "I see. Not a big deal, huh? Then tell me what you think about this."

She storms over to me, and for a second, I think she's about to slap me. But when she walks past me, I turn around to see her walking towards a confused Jack. Without any warning, Kat grabs a fistful of Jack's shirt and pressed her mouth to his, kissing him forcefully.

A pang of anger, disappointment, guilt, and realization hits me. I want to run to them and pry them apart, but as she wraps her arm around his neck, I can't find myself to move. My nostrils fluster, blood rushing to my face and I want to beat the living shit out of Jack even though none of this was his fault. My knees weaken as I grab on to the wall, trying my hardest not to fall. I want so badly to feel her lips against mine, but I have a realization that I might never get to kiss her ever again.